Welcome to the April Carnival of Natural Parenting: Parenting advice!

This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama. This month we’re writing letters to ask our readers for help with a current parenting issue. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.

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The Half Empty Nest Syndrome: What to do when Momma gets replaced by a cow?

I was the oldest of four children and my mother often left me in charge of my brothers.  I was changing diapers and feeding bottles long before I entered junior high.  Even at that age I thought of myself as a motherly figure.  My little baby brothers called me “Momma” and I secretly relished that word.  I knew I wanted to be a mom when I grew up.  I wanted to have babies and bake cookies and take care of my home and be super mom.

At seventeen I had a child of my own.  It was an accident, and a lapse of judgment (and I wouldn’t change having her for anything in the world).  At that time I had forgotten my dream of being a mother and had moved on to the lofty aspirations of painting and writing and art school.  I wanted to be the quintessential starving artist lurking in a dusty old warehouse apartment with great lighting.  But instead I had this beautiful baby girl.

Life was very difficult, and I wasn’t the best mother to my child.  I was dealing with the disappointment of watching my dreams of art school fade away, and trying to raise this little person at the same time.  I was also growing myself up in the process.  I made so many mistakes, and my little girl suffered for them.

I finally went back to school when I was twenty-one, and then met and married the huz.  Over the next eight years not only did we have three more children, but we moved so often and were so unsettled I would joke that we were New England nomads.  He was in and out of jobs, trying to find something that fit him, and we struggled.

With each baby I’ve gotten closer to the ideals of my childhood.  It was hard to put food on the table so I learned to cook from scratch and be frugal with our money.  For the same reasons I learned to garden and to bake bread.  With Willow I wanted to babywear, but I hated the uncomfortable padded sling I had been gifted when Patrick was born, so I taught myself to sew and made my own mei tai.

Fast-forward a few years, and our life is pretty good.  The huz has had the same job for over two years and our bills are paid every month.  We lived in our last apartment for four years and we have moved on to a really sweet single family home.  I have the money to buy the cute little diapers and baby carriers I used to drool over.  I’ve settled into my mothering role and I am proud of the woman that I have become.

We have four beautiful children, and we are talking about shutting down our baby making factory.  The idea that someday soon it will be over freaks me out.   I can finally practice these finely tuned crunchy momma skills, all the obstacles have gone away and now I am running out of babies.  Cooper is nine months old, and of course he is still my sweet little boy but I know that he will someday be grown and independent of me and the thought of what I will do then scares the crap out of me. What is “a babywearing, cosleeping, breastfeeding, clothdiapering, kitchen witchy momma” to do when there is no longer anyone to diaper, feed, or wear?

So Dear Readers, my question is how do you know when you are done having babies?  What do you do when your teeny little ones are grown enough to tie their own shoes and dress themselves and OMG wipe their own bottoms?

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Visit Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!

Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:

(This list will be updated by the end of the day April 13 with all the carnival links.)

• Replace hitting with…? — Acacia at Be Present Mama is at a loss on how to handle her three year old’s hitting.
• Two Questions — Alexandra at Breastfeeding Momma would like some ideas on how to strengthen her bond with her 8-month-old daughter; she’s also looking for input on an emotional topic: vaccines.
• Balancing Needs When Baby Trumps Mama — Alison at BluebirdMama wonders how her child’s need for noise and energy balances out against her need for quiet and space. (@childbearing )
• The McDilemma — Annie at PhD in Parenting is on the arches of a McDilemma. (@phdinparenting)
• Where is the mutually agreeable solution? When parenting calls for blood draws — Arwyn at Raising My Boychick has a child who needs regular blood tests that are torment for him. How does a parent honor a child when his health is on the line? (@RaisingBoychick)
• When To Wait To Nurse — Cave Mother wonders what age toddlers can be asked to wait to nurse.
• I don’t love you Mama! — CurlyMonkey wonders what to do with her daughter’s intense feelings. (@curlymonkey_)
• Help a Mama Out — Danielle at Born.in.Japan isn’t getting much sleep with her cosleeping, night nursing, cranky little guy and hopes you can help with some suggestions for shuteye. (@borninjp)
• Dear Abby: My daughter really misses her Daddy — Darcel at The Mahogany Way needs to know how to help her daddy’s girl get the connection with her father she needs — and not feel left out in the process. (@MahoganyWayMama)
• What’s Going on at School? — Deb at Science@home is in a quandary: how can she find out what really goes on at school without stepping on the teacher’s toes? (@ScienceMum)
• April Carnival of Natural Parenting: Parenting Advice — Dionna at Code Name: Mama wants to find volunteer work that includes her toddler. (@CodeNameMama)
• How do you deal? — Erin at Beatnik Momma does not want to engage in “mommy wars.” She’d like your input on how (and how much) to discuss her natural parenting choices with curious friends and family who parent differently. (@babybeatnik)
• Dear Abby — The Grumbles at Grumbles and Grunts gave her son a banana…and no solid food since. What’s the next step in baby-led weaning? (@thegrumbles)
• Excuse me, I have a poop question — Jessica at This is Worthwhile has a question for you about toddler tinkling. (@tisworthwhile)
• The Half Empty Nest Syndrome: What to do when Momma gets replaced by a cow? — Joni Rae at Kitchen Witch Momma is suffering from “half-empty nest syndrome”: what do you do when your babies start growing up? (@kitchenwitch)
• Peer Pressure — Kate at Momopoly worries what message her daughter’s new friend is sending — but how to break up such an infatuation? (@Momopoly)
• When I Fall Down — Katherine at Momioso.com needs your wisdom on how to be more gentle and at peace with herself. (@naturalparent)
• A question of sleep and sanity — KeepingMumSane needs your toddler cosleeping advice in order to, well, keep mum sane! (@keepingmumsane)
• April Carnival of Natural Parenting: Parenting advice — Lauren at Hobo Mama needs a chiropractor … or help getting her 36 lb toddler to walk up the stairs. (@Hobo_Mama)
• Driver’s Ed for Mommies — Maman A Droit is a self-confessed terrible driver and is scared to drive with her baby in the car.
• Solo Parenting — Mammapie at Downside Up and Outside In needs tips for being a single working mother while her partner’s away. (@mammapie)
• Itsy Bitsy Biter — Mamapoekie at Authentic Parenting needs your advice about her daughter, otherwise known as the pitbull.
• How Can I Avoid Beauty Obsession? — Melodie at Breastfeeding Moms Unite! is at a loss ever since her tomboys turned into wannabe princesses. (@bfmom)
• Seeking Stability in Chaos — Michelle at Seeking Mother is in a heart-wrenching position. She needs your input on how to make a toddler feel secure during a time of transition, the illness of a parent, and multiple (new) caregivers. (@Seekingmother)
• Mama, That’s Too, Too Boring! — Michelle at The Parent Vortex started out asking how to encourage her preschooler to get dressed — and four days later, she began to without prompting! (@TheParentVortex)
• Dear Lovey Hart, I am Desperate. — Mommy Soup from Cream of Mommy Soup has several questions for you, from how you play favorites when no one’s your favorite to how to tell off strangers curious about the ample size of your family. (@mommysoup)
• Diaper Duty Dilemma — Paige at Baby Dust Diaries has a simple request: talk to her about cloth! (@babydust)
• What Do You Need My Son — pchanner at A Mom’s Fresh Start wishes her calm four-month-old hadn’t turned into an inquisitive and dramatic six-month-old. How do you handle changes in baby’s personality? (@pchanner)
• Dear Natural Parenting Community — Sarah at OneStarryNight wants to know how to respond to criticism from family and friends over breastfeeding. (@starrymom)
• Natural Parenting Carnival — Help — Sarah at Consider Eden feels like either her to-do list or her parenting is suffering, because she can’t do both! (@considereden)
• To potty learn or not to potty learn – that is the question — Sheryl at Little Snowflakes wants to know whether it’s time to start potty training. (@sheryljesin)
• Seeking Patience — Starr at Earth Mama looks to the collective tribal wisdom of this community to learn how to teach patience to children.
• A Dirty Girl Comes Clean — Tashmica at Mother Flippin’ is struggling. How do parents deal with their inability to keep their children protected from danger? (@Mother_Flippin)
• Uli and the Pussy Cats — Thomasin at Propson Palingenesis has a toddler who likes to put kitties in headlocks and ride them like horsies. How best to separate the little beasties?
• Perceptions of Discipline — Zoey at Good Goog doesn’t use conventional discipline with her child — and doesn’t know how to respond around people who do. (@zoeyspeak)