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A Low Point For Me

teen mom

Hannah and Me

Hannah and I were talking in the car today about the heat.  Our A/C is not working, so car rides can get HOT.  She was wearing long pants and a short sleeve shirt, and she said she would like to wear her shorts and a tank top but wasn’t sure if it was OK to hang out with her friends.  I replied that if she wanted to wear that, then she should, that there was nothing inappropriate about bare arms and legs on a hot summer day and as long she was comfortable in it she was just fine.  I added that when I was a kid I used to dress like that in the summer too.

She said…  “Well, yeah, but you got pregnant at seventeen.”

I just sat there.

I finally said, “Well, that didn’t happen because of how I chose to dress. In fact, by that time in my life I tried to cover up as much of me as possible.  I wore jeans no matter how hot it was because I thought I was fat and ugly.  It happened because I was lonely and felt I was unworthy of love and thought that the only way to get the boy I loved to love me back was to give in and have sex with him.”

I didn’t really say much the rest of car ride. I don’t feel like talking much now either.

17 Responses to A Low Point For Me

  1. I’m not sure how I found you on facebook, I think I just liked your facebook name and started following you. I didn’t even know that you had a blog until just now. But I have been following along, thru the end of your pregnancy, and Henry’s birth, and you are the last person who should ever feel bad about the path you took to motherhood. Please don’t feel badly – you are such a positive role model for your children, and such a great mother.

  2. I’m sorry. Our children can make us feel at our highest and out lowest without even knowing it. For what it’s worth, i think you answered in the best possible way. You are a great mom.

  3. I did this kind of thing to my parents when I was 12. I finally did the math and realized that I had been conceived before they got married. Only by four months, but when you are an immature 12 year old in Catholic school, well, you get all judgemental on your parents. My Dad put me back in line in a hurry, mind you, reminding me that I had no right to judge what I did not understand. She probably feels like crap for it. You are an example to follow of how to parent with love and respect, make no mistake about that.

  4. a awesome response…. now if she finds herself in a similar situation she will think about and realize sex isnt the answer and that she is beautiful no matter what

  5. I don’t think she meant to be hurtful, but sometimes the least thing can hurt so badly.

    My daughter was always telling me in no uncertain terms how much she hated me and would NEVER be like me….but now that she is 18 and has moved out she calls me all the time to ask questions….comes over “just to talk” and has even begged me to come spend the night with her.

    And yes…you did answer in the best possible way. You told her the truth. That’s what more parents need to tell their children….the truth.

    Hugs. You’re a fine mama.

  6. Kids can suckerpunch our hearts in seconds and not realize it. And it takes a lot not to react like a child when that happens. Hannah should realize that if you hadn’t gotten pregnant then, she would not exist. Everything happens for a reason and obviously, you needed her and she you. The universe has a plan, albeit a very loose and easy to change plan, but the major events are there. I would recommend you show her how people are “slut shaming” young women by the way they dress and explain to her, with her father, how it should not matter how a young woman dresses, men have complete control over their bodies and shouldn’t expect a woman to give it up, no matter what she is dressed like. Big hugs mama!

  7. Mistakes are made by all…and hindsight is 20/20. The irony of that is that you have to make the mistake to have the hindsight. You are luckier than those who didn’t make the mistakes. You have 5 beautiful children and a husband that loves you. That’s more than MANY who did things the “right” way can say.

    All babies are a blessing…even if they come unexpected and at the “wrong” time. The Universe knows what it’s doing. Then and now.

  8. Ouch! It’s amazing how words can wound. Hugs to you! I look back and remember so many of the wretched things I said to my mom and have regret, especially now that she is gone. You handled it with grace though.

  9. Ouch. I remember being 12 and thinking I knew everything about everything. I’m sure I said more than a few things that hurt my mom. I think your response was perfect.

  10. Oh mama! I think back and remember moments with my mom and realize I said hurtful things without thinking alot. I’m so sorry that this hit you right now.
    Lots of love your way!

  11. Oh Momma. So sorry this is hitting you. I’m sure you have been open with Hannah about how and why you got pregnant as a teen, but maybe she wants to open up that conversation again? Maybe there are questions swimming around in her head?

    My own mother had me at 17 and I know that it was tough for both of us when I came to be that age.
    Hugs!

  12. Have you seen the title of comedian Jim Gaffigan’s new book? “Dad is fat”. It was the first full sentence one of his kids wrote. Kids are brutally honest about their perception of reality. You’re a great mother!

  13. I gave birth to my daughter (who is now 16 year old) just 9 days after my 17th birthday. Since then I have gone through a lot including 4 years of my husband (her father) cheating on me behind my back and right in front of my face with the same girl. I kept everything together as best as I could. Trying not to let my daughter see how much pain I was in and generally acting like everything was fine. Last year she told me I was the weakest person (not physically weak, mentally weak) she has ever known. I didn’t know what to say so I smiled and excused myself to the bathroom where no one could hear me and I broke down. I tried so hard to be strong and her words hurt me just as bad as the betrayal from my husband. Thinking about still to this day makes me tear up. I have no works of wisdom for you but know you are not alone and I am sure I have said things that hurt my mom terribly when I was younger and your daughter (as well as mine and everyone else’s) will have their kids say hurtful things to them when they reach that age one day.

  14. Maybe it’s just me… but I think that it would be a good idea, without ever bringing up that you were hurt by that moment, that statement, it might be wise to ask your daughter why she felt the two were correlated, and to sit quietly while she explained (should she choose to do so).

    Moments are jewels in time; and that means they have facets and aspects, the right or wrong of them depending on the observer.

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