04-22
2011

I’m a SAHM. I Mother AND I Clean.

I was reading through a thread on facebook where someone had asked whether or not keeping the house clean was part of the job of the stay at home mom.  I was so surprised by the answers.  Almost every single “SAHM” said no- their job is to care for the children, not the house.

I seem to be in the minority here.  I strongly disagree.  I think that keeping the house reasonably clean IS part of my job.  I’m using “job” here to mean what I decided I wanted to do every day when I chose to stay home, my half of the partnership I have with my husband.  My husband has always been the breadwinner.  For years now he has been a long haul driver trainer and works fourteen hour days.  He is gone for months at a time.  His working “out of the house” means out of the state, out of the region, and sometimes out of the country.

This, of course, clearly defines our roles in this family.  He literally is not here to help with the cleaning. But even when he had a more typical job, I still did the majority of the household work.  I don’t particularly like cleaning, but I do it because I don’t think my husband should have to work twelve, fourteen, sixteen hour days and then come home and have to wash the dishes or mop the floors.  I know how hard he works and I think that would be rude of me to expect him to work during the little time he has off.

However when he is home, he does things to ensure I get time off as well, because he respects that I am also working hard for our family.  He lets me sleep in and brings me coffee in bed.  He does errands and takes the kids out so I can nap.  He cooks me yummy dinners, rubs my feet  and he might run the vacuum if the floors are gross enough.

I’m a stay at home mom. Everything that has to do with this home and these children falls onto my shoulders.  And I am fine with that.  Do I sometimes get overwhelmed? Yes.  Is my house pristine all the time? Hell no.  But I know it is my responsibility to make sure it is livable.  I don’t do it alone.  My kids have their own sets of chores and responsibilities.  Hannah is in charge of loading/unloading the dishwasher and keeping the floors clean.  Patrick and Willow (and even Cooper) have to pick up their toys and help me keep their rooms clean.  They also put the folded laundry away and help clear the table after meals and snacks.

I organize my day and my life so that I have time to relax.  I don’t want to spend all day doing housework.  I want to have fun.  So I spend maybe an hour or two a day actively cleaning.  The rest of the day is spent hanging out with my kids, homeschooling, writing, or goofing around on the internet.  If I do see a mess piling up, I clear it away so it doesn’t get worse.  I pop a load of laundry in the wash when I get up. I wipe down the bathroom after my shower.  My life is not one of drudgery.  I do not slave away to keep things spotless, but you know what?  My house is never more than fifteen minutes away from being clean.

 

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By: Jennifer Brade

I completely agree. If you have made the decision to be the stay at home mom, then you have made the decision to do most of the housework. I said most, not all. My kids have jobs and I expect them to do it. My husband also has jobs, he mostly does the toilet, takes out trash, and all yard work. I think it works out fair. I parcel out stuff to the kids. Some fold laundry, others vacuum, sweep, or mop, and some just pick up toys. I, personally, think that a stay-at-home-parent who does not think they need to clean the house as well are fooling themselves. Who is gonna do it? The other parent after their long hard day at work? They have their own stuff they gotta do after getting home. I also, personally, think that just because I feel that it is my job, doesn’t mean that the other parent has any right to criticize my work or tell me I am not doing enough. I will clean what I want to, when I want to, how I want to…. because it is my job. I am my own boss, the other parent is not my boss. I have EDS so sometimes my house isn’t clean but it is never unlivable.

btw, i really like reading your posts. it inspired me to start my own blog, mostly for my own amusement since I am not very good at writing. Thank you and keep your chin up!
Jennifer Brade´s last post… A new Diagnosis Ehlers-Danlose Syndrome Type 3

[Reply]

Joni Rae Reply:
April 22nd, 2011 at 7:36 PM

Hi Jennifer- If my husband complained about the job I did her would have a fight on his hands. I’m ok with being the primary caretaker of our home but its not like I work for him! LOL.

I’m glad you like my posts! I’ll have to check out your new blog!

<3

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By: Tami

When my husband I got married it was decided that when we had children I would do what it took to stay home with them. He would do what he could to make sure that happened. At one point he was working a full-time job, part-time job AND going to school part-time. I made sure the baby was happy, the house was clean, supper was ready for him and all his laundry was done. He repairs the cars and anything that breaks (that I just cannot do myself like structural house stuff, plumbing, electric etc.) I do the landscaping. We both take care of the bills. I do not serve him or give up control as many women who I tell this to get disgusted. The house is in his name (another things that drives women nuts) It is our house but for other reasons it is in his name. We are a bit 1950′s but that works for us. He respects me, loves me and appreciates me. My house is far from spotless as well but like you, the kids have their chores and hubby does pretty much clean up after himself which is all I really ask of anyone around here. I take pride in all the yard and gardens I grow … I DO mow the lawn … I just LOVE it. He works in his shed doing “man” things and that makes me happy. He has been working diligently on my motorcycle while his is still sitting there apart needing work. It’s all about balance and what works for your family. I don’t keep score about whose turn it is to do what. Now that school is over and he no longer needs school or a part-time job he is home early and we work together. All those years doing it practically all on my own was worth it because my stuff is TIGHT! LOL! So I don’t listen to those other women who give me the “Oh I would never …” or “I can’t believe you cater to him” or “what does he do?” People who say this are insecure with their balance in their own relationships … just sayin’
okay … I am done … this is a subject that gets me WILD! LOL!

[Reply]

Joni Rae Reply:
April 22nd, 2011 at 7:40 PM

Oh I wish I could have a garden here. You’ll see if you come visit- I’ve got my work cut out for me. It is almost complete shaded by trees and the yard is a mess. The house was once abandoned, and the inside has been renovated but the yard is still waiting for some love.

That’s the one thing house-related I wish the huz was here to help me with.

<3

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Tami Reply:
April 22nd, 2011 at 10:03 PM

Among my many talents I also did landscaping design and would love to show you what you can do with the space you have. Let me know … you would be surprised what you can do with what you have.
Let’s make a play date! LOL!

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Tami Reply:
April 22nd, 2011 at 10:04 PM

for free … just to add LOL!

Catie Twitter: Reply:
April 22nd, 2011 at 10:47 PM

I definitely agree. I’m a stay at home wife (no kids yet) and my main job is keeping our house tidy. I cook dinner, do the laundry, and clean the house.

Since I occasionally work (part time photography jobs) and do bring in some of our income, Hubby does certain things around the house. He takes out the trash, does the dinner dishes when we’ve finished eating, and mows the lawn.

My beef is with the people who think that just because I stay home all day, I MUST sit on my butt and do nothing all day. It’s just not true!
Catie´s last post… My Favorite Android Apps

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Joni Rae Reply:
April 23rd, 2011 at 11:34 AM

Oh yes- I HATE that.

<3

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By: Wolf_Mommy

I agree with you. I’m also a SAHM. My fulltime job is mothering my child, being a wife to my husband and a keeper of our home. The home is the primary place we gather to be a family. Its important to keep care of it. I’m not saying I’m a great housekeeper. Often domestic duties such as tidying up or scrubbing the bathtub take a backseat to long walks with my son, or re-connecting with my husband. But that’s the way it should be! Every job has its priorities, and while cleaning is one of them, it’s not the #1, and I doubt it is for most SAHMs, but it IS a priority. At times when things have been really busy or I’ve really fallen behind, I hire a housekeeper to come in and keep us on track, but delegation of duties is my responsibility. If I think the house needs to be cleaned and I can’t get to it, I have to find someone to do it. And that’s not going to be my husband who puts in 10 hours days 5 days a week and often works evenings and sometimes on the weekend. He does try to pick up after himself, and he occasionally will do some cleaning. He always tries to do the jobs I hate like taking out the garbage/recycling/compost. He doesn’t treat me as his slave and he respects and appreciates the work I do.

Like you, when Wolf is old enough he’ll have some duties of his own. But not too many. I want to teach him responsibility and that families work together, but his primary job is being a kid, and mine is being the mom. Already he happily helps to unload the dishwasher, sweep the floors, pick up his toys, lots of stuff. I hope that teaches him respect for what I do as a mother and wife, and I’m not his personal maid, but I will take care of him, including taking care of our house.

Alright, that’s my two cents. Great post!
Wolf_Mommy´s last post… TWINS Lettuce Green &amp Sunshine Yellow Hat-Newborn

[Reply]

Joni Rae Reply:
April 22nd, 2011 at 7:42 PM

I like the way you think Wolf Mommy! I feel the same way. I try to keep things clean- but I don’t let having fun with the kids take a backseat to a clean house!

<3

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By: Natalie Twitter:

I am in school, and I stay at home. I probably do not clean as much as I should, but I try my best to keep the house reasonably not nasty for my husband when he is working hard to keep the bills paid. I think that it is a reasonable trade off. If the man makes the money, the woman keeps up the house. Just like, if the WOMAN makes the money and the man stays home, HE cleans up the house.

It is unfair for anyone to think that they have the right to make their spouse work when they get home after a double shift.

Now, on the days he gets off after only a half day, yes, he helps around the house, but it is not a personal requirement, we clean together and use the time to bond.

I think SAHMs are more than just babysitters, they are the house maintainers and mothers. They aren’t ‘stay at daycare moms’ where the surroundings are a janitor’s concern. If you didn’t have kids and spent the whole day at home, would you let it degrade into disgusting disarray or would you clean it? Having kids does NOT give someone a ticket to not clean….in fact, they should be more motivated.
Natalie´s last post… 16 Weeks And Life Is BACK ON TRACK!!!

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Joni Rae Reply:
April 22nd, 2011 at 7:44 PM

Yes! I completely agree!

<3

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By: Carrie Twitter:

When I was a SAHM, that’s what I viewed as my job. The house and the kids.

It’s not a life of drudgery…I got to bond with my kids and it was one less thing my husband had to worry about. It was a way to show my appreciation for all his hard work.

You get routines in place and everything falls into place nicely. There’s always “that day” when you deep clean a room but mostly, it’s just a quick swipe through…cause if you do the swipe throughs, it stays clean and nice.

Even now that I work a 40 hour week job, I still do a majority of the cleaning…But the boys clean up after themselves and they know there are certain “chores” I’m just not gonna do so it’s up to them to handle it.

And for the record, if the roles are reversed and the woman works and the husband stays home…it’s all on him to handle the house and kids and she should get to relax.

Raising kids is hard – harder than any other thing you do in a day but it’s not so terribly difficult that the stay at home person can’t grab a broom or load the dishes. Don’t short change your partner like that.
Carrie´s last post… Broomstix13- Anyone else have a ton of dreams – nightmares last night

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Joni Rae Reply:
April 22nd, 2011 at 7:45 PM

This: “Raising kids is hard – harder than any other thing you do in a day but it’s not so terribly difficult that the stay at home person can’t grab a broom or load the dishes. Don’t short change your partner like that.”

AMEN.

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By: Tangie

I have also seen those Internet threads about mothering vs. cleaning. IME, most of the comments that go “I’m a mother, not a janitor” come from women whose partners have unreasonably high expectations of what their home should look like. There ARE a lot of men who expect to arrive home at the end of the workday to a house that looks like June Cleaver lives there.

But yes, I agree that the people who are home more should clean more. Just like the person who works in an office is responsible for maintaining his/her workspace and the truck driver is responsible for maintaining the truck, the person who does his/her work at home needs to maintain that space. I don’t mean white-glove-inspection ready, though. I’ve seen some NASTY houses where I wouldn’t want my kids to be playing on the floor or eating at the table.

[Reply]

Joni Rae Reply:
April 22nd, 2011 at 7:50 PM

Oh yes. My house goes through phases where it is far from clean… Depending on what else is going on in my life and how overwhelmed I get I sometimes I would rather just take a nap. But I have to keep some level of order. I’ve been in houses where I can’t sit down because I am scared of the couch, and I wouldn’t eat anything served out of the kitchen. Ick.

<3

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By: Danielle @ LifeBeyondTheBump Twitter:

This is souch a touchy subject for so many people, and I see so many people argue about it. But you know, it is one’s personal decision. You have to do what works for your family in your situation.

I can identify with you, I also am a SAHM and I do all the housework. My husband is a student and also works, so he doesn’t really have time. Plus, he could care less if the house is a disaster zone, that’s just his personality. I’m the clean one in the relationship, so its natural for me to want to do that. I don’t do all the housework because I’m a woman and that’s what we’re “supposed” to do, I do it because that’s what works for us.

It’s a decision that is individual to each family and each situation.

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Joni Rae Reply:
April 22nd, 2011 at 7:56 PM

I used to have this friend, her husband worked, and she was a stay at home mom with two teenage children. It would rankle me to hear her talk about him… It was always “John did all the laundry and did the shopping and made breakfast before he left on his business trip.” “John’s making dinner” “John’s at the market.” “John’s making pancakes” “John vacuumed the downstairs.” etc etc etc. I couldn’t figure out what it was she actually DID. I felt bad for her husband.

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Danielle Twitter: Reply:
April 22nd, 2011 at 10:47 PM

I would feel bad for that man, too! But, I don’t really know the situation, so I can’t really judge. I know if the tables were turned for us, I would still do all of the housework even if I worked outside the home. As I said, my DH is a lousy housekeeper, so I only expect him to mildly clean up after himself, definately not do all the cleaning to my liking. I think the assigning of tasks is something that is unique to each situation.
Danielle´s last post… Say Thank You

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By: Amy

I guess I’m a middle of the road person on this issue too. Part of my job as SAHM is to keep the house clean – but I expect help from the kids too. We all do laundry together since we don’t have hookups here – so we go to the laundromat once a week. The kids help put things in the washers & LOVE putting the quarters in to start them & then they watch cartoons or play while we’re waiting & folding laundry. At home, I expect the kids to clean up their own messes, take their dishes to the kitchen when they’re done with them, put their dirty clothes in the hamper & put their clean clothes away.

I make dinner nearly every night – not from a box – because I enjoy cooking, it’s healthier & it saves us money. I do the meal planning & the grocery shopping. I try to get the kids time outside to play too, though, and at their ages & the area we live in, someone has to be with them – so the chores can’t be done while they’re outside playing. They’re really good about helping me with the major cleaning – both of them actually like putting dishes away, getting stuff off the floor so I can vacuum & helping me clean the bathroom – probably because we’re all doing it together.

My house is nowhere near perfect – and it’s something I’ve struggled with since having kids. But, I’ve been focusing on letting them be kids instead of focusing on having a house that’s super-clean. They know how to clean & they’ve seen the consequences of not cleaning, so I think they’ll probably keep their own homes mostly clean when they’re grown too.

[Reply]

Joni Rae Reply:
April 22nd, 2011 at 7:58 PM

I agree! I believe it is important for kids to help out. I want my kids to know how to do these things for themselves so that they will respect the work that I put into running the house!

<3

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Amy Reply:
April 22nd, 2011 at 11:59 PM

I also have to say that I’m much happier & more relaxed being a SAHM. When I was working 20-ish hours a week & living on a serious sleep deficit and still doing the majority of the childcare and house cleaning I was pretty damned grumpy. Unfortunately, at this point, I don’t know if I’d be able to hold down a job outside of the home due to the health problems (still undiagnosed) which have forced me to take a more laid-back approach to cleaning than I used to have.

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Amy Reply:
April 23rd, 2011 at 12:02 AM

Plus, my partner is more aware of the fact that I do SO much now, since we were separated for 3 months last year. So when I’m feeling really run-down & overwhelmed, he’s more likely to help me with the things that *have* to be done. (dishes, etc.)



By: Fee Twitter:

I totally agree with you -If I were a SAHM then keeping the house clean and tidy would be part of the “job”.
But as myself and hubs both work we split the housework and childcare.
Fee´s last post… Metal Mummy Movie Meme – Week 9

[Reply]

Joni Rae Reply:
April 22nd, 2011 at 8:00 PM

If you are both working other jobs OF COURSE you should split it! That would be totally unfair for you to have ANOTHER job AND take care of the house without any help!

:(

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By: Eleia

I’m in agreement with you too. My situation is different because I do work part time and am in school part time. So I figure since I bring in a third of our income, he should do a third of the housework. That still means I’m doing more since I also am the main caretaker of our child and I have homework and class. It’s a struggle in my house because it seems like he thinks that he works all day so he shouldn’t have to help out. :/

But if I were to stay home exclusively, I definitely would consider that to be my full time job and do the cleaning as well as taking care of our daughter.

Honestly, it sounds like your family has everything worked out great. Other than your hubby being gone a lot (which would majorly suck!), I think you guys just about have a perfect life. :)

[Reply]

Joni Rae Reply:
April 22nd, 2011 at 8:01 PM

It does suck that he is gone, and although I wouldn’t say things are perfect, I do agree that we have an awesome family!

*grin*

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By: Tamara Morales Twitter:

I agree too. When I decided to be a stay at home mom that meant I was taking on the duties of being a wife, mother, and home maker. My husband works very hard from home, so it is a little different, but it would be unfair of me, in my opinion, to expect him to work his real job and then move on to another shift of housework. Sure we both help each other out and are flexible in our roles, but we try really hard to keep things equal and do all we can to ensure we each feel as though we are contributing the same to our family no matter in what way.
Tamara Morales´s last post… Makeover

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Joni Rae Reply:
April 22nd, 2011 at 8:02 PM

Love this!

<3

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By: Melanie Griffin Twitter:

I agree too. As a SAHM anything inside the house is my job. It would be nice if occasionally my dh came home and helped me out with something but I don’t expect him to.

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Joni Rae Reply:
April 22nd, 2011 at 8:03 PM

I agree! I love when the huz comes home and helps me out- but I don’t want him to feel like he HAS to. I like when he wants to do it.

<3

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By: James

Um, Joni, when did you receive permission to leave the kitchen? Stop writing silly blog things and go scrub something.

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Joni Rae Reply:
April 22nd, 2011 at 10:18 PM

Bwahahahahahaha!

<3 <3 <3

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Danielle Reply:
April 23rd, 2011 at 10:31 AM

Funniest. Reply. Ever. That was beautiful lol!

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Joni Rae Reply:
April 23rd, 2011 at 11:35 AM

He is hilarious! *eye roll*

<3

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By: Johanna

Oh, I agree. I just suck at the cleaning part. I really feel sorry for my husband. :\

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Joni Rae Reply:
April 22nd, 2011 at 10:19 PM

I used to suck. Flylady.net helped a lot. It has been years since I used her system but I am a decent cleaner now. :)

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Johanna Reply:
April 22nd, 2011 at 10:54 PM

Tried it. Twice. I got so much anxiety around the whole micromanaging thing.

I was having parties once a month (craft parties!) and that really helped but then with my own turmoil it all fell apart. Still trying to recover from it :\

Plugging away. Got one room clean. 4 rooms a hallway and a porch to go. :|
Johanna´s last post… ATandT Buying T-Mobile for 39B To Ramp 4G – Mobile and Wireless – News &amp Reviews – eWeekcom

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Joni Rae Reply:
April 23rd, 2011 at 11:37 AM

Bummer! Well, we can each only do what works for us! I got tired of the constant emails, and the constant emails trying to sell me stuff.

But some of her stuff worked for me- the swish and swipe- the laundry load in the morning- the 15 minute tidy. The rest I never bothered with!

<3



By: Kristin Twitter:

I agree with everything you say, but feel like different situations at home can change the picture considerably.

For the first year or so after my twins were born (more during the first 9 months or so), this would pop up from time to time as a big bone of contention between my husband and I. I was home with three kids under 3, two of whom I was up with All Night Long and nursing sometimes around the clock. I really believed that doing most household chores — beyond feeding us all and keeping up with the dishes — was beyond “fair”, especially given my total lack of sleep. I longed for an hour or two commute on the bus to just listen to my ipod, and the ability to talk to adults and go out to lunch when I felt like it. My husband was generally a great sport and did TONS of work at home (including cooking dinner most nights) but there were some times when we really couldn’t see eye to eye on this, and that was hard. Fighting about who is working more/harder SUCKS!

Of course, that eventually changed (thank goodness!) and now I do think it’s totally in my realm to do most household chores –asking him to do more now would feel totally unfair (though he is a sweetheart about doing stuff sometimes even when I ought to be the one getting it done). It just depends on the parenting load, I think, as well as the sleep!
Kristin´s last post… Wordless Wednesday- Egg Hunt!

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Joni Rae Reply:
April 23rd, 2011 at 11:32 AM

Of course situations at home change things! I’m not talking about anything beyond average one parent works out of home/one chooses to stay at home with kids- no disabilities, no extra babies (lol) no working at home. I think if you are an able body person who is at home and has the time to do the cleaning you should be doing most of the cleaning!

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By: Maria

I am a SAHM to my 9 month old. My husband works, comes home, and doesn’t complain about the house if it’s off and not perfect. I like things cleaner than not, and I do a bit everyday. That being said, the one thing that I cannot fathom !! is being with/playing with/dealing with the baby every minute of the day that she’s awake and then tending to dinner !! I can’t do it. The baby is enough. He is an amateur chef (not his full time job…) so he is the better cook and he likes to do it. He comes home, he cooks and I take care of the baby all day=all night. He sleeps in a separate room a lot so that he can get sleep and not be interrupted. I don’t think it’s that rough on him or me. I do have projects that I am working on that have nothing to do with home or baby, and for these,…. I let the house go sometimes. Recently, I have decided that it would be ok for us to have a cleaning lady come in and do some deep cleaning twice a month and I could just play catch-up and maintenance the rest of the month. I need time to read and work on things that I had in my life before the baby or I won’t be myself and I won’t be happy and I would lose my mind surely.

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Joni Rae Reply:
April 23rd, 2011 at 11:33 AM

I LOVE when the huz cooks for me! You are lucky! :)
<3

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By: Lily Shahar Kunning

I wish we could afford for me to be a SAHM. But since neither of us can find FT work with benefits, and I am in school PT, it is not in the cards for us at this time.

My dream is to stay at home, homeschool, and have a garden and chickens that feed us. Someday!

Lily
Lily Shahar Kunning´s last post… LibraryThing

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Joni Rae Reply:
April 23rd, 2011 at 11:34 AM

That is a great dream! I really want chickens!

<3

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By: aps

Not sure I agree. When I was working before we had kids we both came home and cleaned, why should he expect to not have to clean up after himself now? He hasn’t hired a maid. I agree that he shouldn’t have to wash our lunch dishes, clean up our art project etc… since he wasn’t here, but taking turns cleaning the tub, vacuuming the floors, dusting the furniture? Yes.

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By: James

What’s with the *eye roll*??

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Joni Rae Reply:
April 24th, 2011 at 12:26 PM

I was trying to be funny.
Joni Rae´s last post… I’m a SAHM I Mother AND I Clean

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By: Samantha

I feel so out of place commenting because I don’t have any children and I’m not a stay at home mom, lol.

I do only work afternoons every day while my boyfriend works full time. In the mornings I like to make sure everything will be clean for him when he gets home. Not because he expects it of me, but who wants to come home and see dishes, uncleaned cat litter boxes, dirty floors, dusty everything? I certainly don’t want to see that! And I have the time to take care of all that. When I don’t want to do it, I don’t do it, but I know it is healthier for the bf, myself and our cat if cleanliness is maintained.

So, I can’t say whether I agree that cleaning goes along with being a SAHM because I haven’t experienced that, but I do think that maintaining at least a degree of tidiness is definitely important… as a hearth-witch it can be a nice meditation for me as well!
Samantha´s last post… YAY SPRING!

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By: Jenn Twitter:

When I worked, I had a housekeeper that came twice a month to give the house a good scrub. When I made the decision to stay at home, obviously I let the housekeeper go. I couldn’t justify spending the $200 to have someone clean my fridge, etc when I am HOME ALL DAY. My daughter is in school so I have about 6 hours a day to myself. That is PLENTY of time to tidy up the house.
What the hell are these women doing all day that they don’t have time to clean? I clean a bit here and there everyday and while my house is not usually sparkling, it is normally clean & tidy.
I think it’s sad how so many woman have unrealistic expectations of men and then end up divorced and they wonder why?

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By: Katy

I agree with you. My husband is a military pilot who is currently deployed, so with that & all the training, if I made him clean we would be out of luck when he was gone. Plus, it isn’t fair for him to work all day and come home to a cleaning shift when I am the one staying at home. And I am the one that gets up with our kids at night, which I get crap for-um hello, safety issues! I don’t want my husband flying on little sleep when I don’t have a job where numerous other lives are at stake. When I was in school full time & taking care of our newborn daughter we shared more cleaning duties-but that wasn’t without some pushing from me, because I thought driving an hour to class, going to school, coming home, getting the baby, pumping throughout the day, doing homework & getting up with her at night was more than full time in itself and he needed to help out a bit more. And he tries to give me a break on the weekends when he can.
Katy´s last post… Where have I been

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By: Anne Marie

As a SAHM who is also a student, my hubby and I split the housework as needed. The hubby works full time, but going to school/keeping track of a feisty 9 month old is also full time employment, IMO.

That being said, I also deal with a lot of mental health issues (bipolar disorder, OCD, EDNOS) and there are times when I simply cannot do certain things because of my anxiety or depression. I suppose sometimes my partner ends up doing more than his fair share of the work on the house, but there are times where I do more than my fair share as well. We both give 100% and that is what counts.

I think that saying “I am a stay at home mom, not a stay at home maid” is a fair assessment for me and my family. What works for one family will not always work for another. My house may not be 15 minutes away from always being clean, and my husband and I may share the chores more than some SAHMs deem “acceptable”, but we are happy and healthy, and I am sane. That is what is important to us.

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LisaZ Reply:
November 17th, 2011 at 11:13 AM

Anne Marie, though my life is currently more like this post because my husband works two teaching jobs right now, at times it has been more like yours. Even though I’ve been home full-time and he’s worked full-time our entire marriage, there are times when he’s done quite a bit of the housekeeping. I also struggle with some depression and overwhelm feelings, though honestly it’s been years since I have, and my husband has been great to step in when needed. You’re right in that each couple works these things out, out of love for each other, and sanity is most important. I find now I enjoy doing more cooking and cleaning, as I am able and getting better at it, but it took me a while–especially the cooking part which came more naturally to him. I do have a passion for homekeeping and my family, so that inspires me to learn more all the time. After 17 years of marriage, I can honestly say the situation is always evolving. And that’s a very good thing!
LisaZ´s last post… We Did It!

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By: LisaZ

I love this post! It describes my life quite well, though I only now homeschool one of my kids (out of two) and him only part-time. Your feelings about keeping the house livable, but not spending your entire days cleaning, are right on with mine. I found your blog via a FB link on the co-sleeping post you did. Lovely blog and I’ll definitely be a reader now…

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By: Amanda Jillian Twitter:

How can you be a stay at home mom and not clean? Isn’t that just kind of teaching your kids to make a mess? I clean up, hubby helps when he can, we kind of trade off. AJ has to pick up his toys before bed. And I clean up after my grandparents.
Amanda Jillian´s last post… February Photo-a-day Challenge Day 27

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By: Angie

I agree with you post, mostly. Keeping the house relatively in order is my job. (Although my husband is wonderful and helps a lot.) Homeschooling my kids is my job. For me, being the mom isn’t my job, it just is. I get to be one of those lucky people that gets to have my kids to work with me. My husband doesn’t stop being their father when he goes to work, and neither do working mothers.
Just my humble opinion.
Oh, and I love your blog.

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