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Not Everything is an Attack

I know that certain subjects are particularly volatile when we talk about parenting, but guess what?  Not every single statement you hear is an attack. Sometimes a cup is just a cup.

I don’t choose topics because I have a burning desire to make someone feel bad.  I say the things I do because I want to to make people think, and because I’d love to put a dent in all the awful advice we get from uninformed family, friends, and even our doctors.

When I talk about why breastfeeding is awesome, I am not saying you are a bad mother for formula feeding.  It isn’t about what you feed your baby, I mean at this point unless you would be willing to give donor milk or relactation a go your baby is getting formula! What I am trying to do is reach new mommies who haven’t yet had to make a decision.  I’m working to raise awareness about the benefits of breastfeeding so hopefully they will take the time to do a little research before jumping to formula.

When I say, “I’ve been breastfeeding for blah-blah months!” I am not saying you are a failure because you only did it for an eight, or six, or two month stretch.  I’m celebrating something special, something I am proud that I achieved, because lets face it, dodging booby-traps and managing to breastfeed past whatever arbitrary age society deems acceptable is quite spectacular.

When I say, “We homeschool because we think it’s the best for our kids!” I am not saying you are wrong because your children go to school.  I’m saying that we made this choice after careful consideration of our options and then reached a mutual decision that this would give the children in our particular family unit the best start in life.  I’m well aware that not all parents have the resources, patience, or time to homeschool.

When I say, “I love being a stay at home mom!” I am not saying that being a working mom makes you less awesome than me.  I chose to stay home because my personal belief is that my kids are happier having a parent that can bake cookies and clean noses all day long.  But if I were a single mom, obviously I’d have to make a different choice.  In fact, before I met the huz, Hannah was in daycare while I went to school and worked.  I understand that some moms have to work, and some moms choose to work.  I’m sure we are all doing the best we can in our circumstances.

When I say, “I am against circumcision and here are my reasons…” I am not saying you are an awful person for having your son circumcised.  The reason I talk about it at all is because it is not about your son, or any baby that has been circumcised- it’s about getting info and another perspective to parents who may not be aware that it is ok to leave their not-yet-born son intact. That there are studies that prove the opposite of the things they hear from society, family, and friends.  I talk about it because I wish I had been aware of this before I had sons.

I may not always hit the mark but I try to broach trigger subjects such as breastfeeding and intactivism by explaining the reasons for MY choices when it comes to parenting.  And I find it baffling how certain statements lead to people yelling at me for judging them for their choices.  If I make a statement regarding MY parenting/lifestyle choice it doesn’t automatically mean I think you are a terrible person.  I would urge those of you that immediately jump to the conclusion that someone is attacking you to take a deep breath and re-read the statement (or cartoon) before you become offended.

61 Responses to Not Everything is an Attack

  1. I always find it quite a bit disheartening to see all the projection from people. This statement might be taken the wrong way, but, if they were truly comfortable with themselves and their life choices they wouldn’t be projecting judgement and animosity when you talk about your own opinions and life choices.

  2. Perhaps they are offended because deep down they can’t refute your facts so they become “offended”. It’s hard to admit to yourself when you’ve made the wrong choice, even if said choice was made honestly and with all the facts they had at the time.

  3. I truly hope that this can sink in to those that read it at a deeper level than is usually put into reading blog posts. You have great words of wisdom here and if people can actually start to realize that EVERYTHING is NOT about THEM the world will be a much better place. Thank you for writing this.

  4. I’m terribly offended by the evenhandedness with which you have responded to your critics! Why can’t you just get pissed off like everyone else! 😉

  5. I know you’ve felt the same way other moms have felt: picked on, told their choices are weird, yelled at… I think moms have a tendency to enter self-defence mode almost automatically as soon as someone says ANYTHING about parenting.

    This knee-jerk reaction to VIOLENTLY defend themselves through means of verbal attack is an inappropriate response in any situation, and because the internet allows people to be faceless, they don’t feel any shame or guilt when they say awful things. And somehow, they can’t seem to believe that they’re being as awful to you as they think you’re being to them. It’s like a game of “She started it.” It’s immaturity at its finest, and cyber-bullying at its worst.

    I have NEVER ever ever seen a post where Joni has said “You’re wrong and I’m judging you.” All she ever does is offer sage advice, targeted at the fresh minds of people who still have the option of making an informed decision. She doesn’t stand on a pedestal looking down at mothers who work all day, circumcised their children, or didn’t/couldn’t breastfeed. She herself has admitted to making “mistakes,” and her only goal is to help other people who were in her situation by providing them with information which might stop them from doing something they’ll regret, or encourage them to do something they’ll enjoy.

    She’s a good person with sage advice to give. If what she’s saying doesn’t apply to you, then don’t take it personally. And if you disagree with what she says, get you facts together (like she does) and present your “argument” in a non volatile way so that you can be heard. Don’t you know that name calling and stone throwing only makes people roll their eyes and hit the “delete,” button?

    • Thanks Samantha! I feel like I have been properly defended now, LoL!

      And its nice to read this because earlier I had the fun experience of someone bashing me and calling me a “super judgy uber crunchy mom” which I found equally disheartening and hilarious.


  6. myself I wonder what is wrong ….Wow you are pagan and breastfeed how could that be controversial. I live in a pagan community and like all the Pagan mothers I know (really other than me) you follow the same mainstream pagan thoughts…so I have to wonder…are most of your readers practicing pagans…or people curious about pagans?

    • Actually, IMHO most of Joni’s readers are NOT pagan. Because Joni has a national voice in the breastfeeding community, and is recognized in the homeschooling and intactivism groups as well, she reaches a lot more than just the pagans. I often find it humorous that someone who totally eats up everything Joni says on something like homeschool will go bat-guano crazy at being reminded (I don’t think told is right, because it’s all over her blog homepage!) that Joni’s family is pagan.

    • I’m a Christian, not a pagan. I’m also a bfing, co-sleeping, cding, intending to let my potential sons be intact, blwing, bwing mama :) Attachment parenting is for everyone! And I seriously hope to someday homeschool when my husband’s business get’s to the point where I can be a SAHM. We hope to BF at least until 2. It isn’t a religion thing!

  7. I love the way you right, and never felt like you were judging when you make your statements on how you do things. You are one that I can actually read who is, say, an intactavist, who doesn’t make me bristle at the fact that, yes, my son is circumcised. (which is pretty much keeping me out of the AP crowd, even though I do everything else, but oh well). You never seem like you are judging people for their choices. Now back to coffee so maybe i can talk better.

  8. There will always be someone who is upset – mostly because they are not sure of their opinion, that is the main reason why people get defensive. Don’t take it to heart. Do what you feel is right, and write about what you know.

  9. I definitely agree with you. It gets to be a tricky situation when you get into more judgmental language, though (which you don’t use, but some do). Saying things like “formula is poison” or even “I’m glad my child never had a drop of formula” with no clarification that it’s only about their personal choice really can get people defensive. Using language like “circumcision is child abuse” can as well. Again, not that you use this language, but it gets people on the defensive about the choices they felt they had to make, so when they read something even remotely critical, it still stings.
    I know I did everything I could to make breastfeeding work, and eventually it did after many months of supplementing, pumping, etc. I don’t know if I would feel comfortable using donated breastmilk so sometimes comments about “not a drop of formula” or it being poison do sting a bit. When the subject is so emotionally charged as many things are when adjusting to life with a newborn (breastfeeding, circumcision, etc), sometimes it’s very difficult to take that deep breath, but you are so right that it’s needed.

    • “Saying things like “formula is poison” ..”

      I was told by a group of holier-than-thou b*tches online that I was killing my daughter with crap in a can, and had no excuse for not breastfeeding. What they didn’t know, and didn’t care to know, was that I never saw the lactation consultant I asked for. Instead my mother sat in my hospital room with me trying to help. I went home and sat in my half bathroom trying to hand express into a bottle. My daughter threw it up undigested a few hours later, and I subsequently found out she had GERD. I also had a husband who could have won a useless d-bag award, and his support was in the negative range.

      It’s instances like what I experienced that make mothers so very defensive. It’s been nearly SEVEN years since I was told those things, and I still get angry when people start sounding judgmental. The language used doesn’t even have to be the least bit condescending, but in my head I remember the ramp up to being thrown under the proverbial bus. It started with kindness and an apparent willingness to help, then moved on to guilt tripping, and then finally the outright attacks.

      It’s no way to treat new mothers, and certainly not the way to create positive change. While (general) you may think you’re not being harsh or judgmental, to a new mother who is already very sensitive and feeling like a failure the most benign comment can seem like a slap in the face. We’ve all been there, and need to stop and remember what it was like once in awhile.

  10. YES! Thank you, thank you, thank you! This is something I try to articulate all.the.time. As soon as I mention something that *I* do, someone is responding on the defensive. It bugs me that they think I’m trying to hurt their feelings or judge them because I am NOT like that. This is wonderful!!

  11. For what it’s worth, I have never felt offended by anything you’ve written. Sometimes I have felt saddened because I didn’t make a choice that I would have preferred …. but never offended. Unfortunately, there are always people who feel that anyone who doesn’t agree with them absolutely must be wrong and/or attacking them.

    And then my brain went into a tangent about the stages of development that include being ego-centric. I won’t repeat it because it probably would offend people …..

  12. I often worry that I might inadvertently offend someone with what I write on my blog… but you know… bottom line – if you don’t like what I am posting about, don’t read it. I am not offended if my blog is not for you, if you click away and never come back. We are all different, make different choices, and walk different journeys and I am ok with that.
    So pleased I followed a FB link and read this!

  13. I just want to say that i appreciate and value opinions that may differ from my own. if no one ever disagreed with me life would b super boring and i may miss an opportunity to learn and broaden my horizons (or even change my mind!). i had three daughters and then was finally blessed with a son…the light of my life. my son is 2 and is intact…i made this choice not because i was well informed (cuz at that point i had done no research on the subject) but just out of such an overwhelming love and sense of protectiveness! i would kill anyone who tried to hurt any one of my kids so the thought of purposely amputating any part of my son just felt way too wrong. now i am so glad that i made the choice i did (and there was a fight involved, with my husband no less!) because i have done some research and feel even stronger about the issue now. i am even educating my teenage daughters so they can make the choice that’s right for them when they have kids!

    • ‘I just want to say that i appreciate and value opinions that may differ from my own. if no one ever disagreed with me life would b super boring and i may miss an opportunity to learn and broaden my horizons (or even change my mind!).’

      YES! This is exactly how I feel. I like learning new things, reassessing my current direction and having the option to change or being recommitted to following the original course.

  14. Awesome. Just. Perfect.

    I often feel like it is a double standard. We can have stuff publicized all around us that is irrelevant to our own lives, but celebrate a hard earned milestone wrought with challenge and difficulty and we are insensitive. I really like that you brought up that point. It is important.

    Nicely done!

  15. Hm . . . my question is, when these conversations are taking place, are folks asking for your opinion or insight? Because if not, then I ask you to put yourself in the other person’s shoes, and pause for a moment.

    You trust yourself. You think of yourself as someone who is informed, and who knows what they are doing. Would you appreciate someone else sharing unsolicited advice with you (that is contrary to what you believe–what you KNOW to be best for you and your child? If yes, then go for it! However, I know that I for one do not appreciate unsolicited advice. And for that reason, I try very, very hard not to give it. I live by example and if someone asks questions, I’m happy to share.

    • Well, we aren’t talking about face-to-face conversations. I wouldn’t walk up to someone and tell them they’re doing it wrong- unless the baby or child was in danger. We’re talking about my thoughts and experiences on my own blog and facebook page. I wouldn’t consider that “unsolicited” since people are reading this blog and/or reading what I say on facebook.


      • Hey! Thanks for the reply! I kind of laughed to myself after I posted it because, of course, what I was offering YOU was unsolicited advice!! Cough cough. But I guess since it’s a blog . . .

        In any case–so you’re saying you write about your preferences/parenting on YOUR personal facebook page and/or blog and people are saying that’s an attack? That’s just silly!

        Take care.

  16. I’m so with you on this, Joni. Not a week goes by without someone saying to me, “You hate formula moms!” And I’m like “WHAAAAA???” Of course they can’t provide proof that I ever said that – or anything even remotely like that, but simply posting breastfeeding research on my page is enough to convince them that I think formula is “rat poison.” If that were the case, I probably would not have given it to TWO of my children.

    This post is perfectly reasoned. And needed. Thank you.

  17. What a lovely sentiment. Your blog was posted on facebook by a mommy friend of mine. I do think the reason mommies get offended, even if no attack was made, is because we are all struggling for reassurance that we are doing the exact right thing. So, if someone has made a different choice, we begin to question (and therefore defend) our choices.

    I’m a working mom, who breastfed just short of a year (Hauling pumps literally across the world, pumping in the toilets in Chinese factories and on my seat in airplanes), with a circumcised son and a daughter who both attend daycare and will go to public school. I didn’t wear my babies because I have a degenerative arthritic spine disorder. I like to think of myself as highly informed, and I wouldn’t doubt that we both had the exact same information and made extremely different choices for our families and our circumstances. Neither of us is right or wrong. I wish all moms would simply recognise that we are all truly just trying to do what we think is best for our kids and try not to be bothered that what is best for mine may not be best for yours.

    I’ve never seen your blog before, but like the way you think.


  18. Oh I love this. Are you my brain twin? This is like, everything I have been trying to say for years. Every tine I make an intactivist post I have to say this again. I’m just going to start linking this post!

    Side note, I am a single Mom of 2 and I work from home and home school :) It can be done :)

    Rock on Momma you are amazing!!

  19. Yup. Not saying there aren’t Judgy McJudgersons out there trying to make everyone feel bad about making different choices, but YOU are not one of them. You’re one of the most open-hearted people I know. If people can’t take what you’re offering in that spirit, it’s something inside them making them feel defensive.

  20. Great post and so good to hear such an even hand response to what can be very volatile topics. Parenting is such an emotive area, probably because most parents are worried about the decisions they make. However, like you, I talk about areas of parenting because I am interested in them and being a mother is such a large area of my life.

    By the way, your site is so pretty, I love it!

  21. LOVE this and so true. I am really going to have to remember this. I tend to feel like I am always being attacked (trying to work on that!).

  22. i think this was a good read. when i hear about someone who was able to feed there child with their own milk the only thing i get upset about is how my body failed to make the right milk for my children(never stopped me from trying to feed them). there is no need to ever feel like a mother is judging when you give your child formula unless they come out and say it that your wrong for doing so.

    home school good for you i dont think i could do that but that works for you and thats all that matters

    being a stay at home mom is great i love it

    i think mothers need to stop worrying about what others are doing with their children and when others judge them because at the end of the day your child is happy your happy your child is grow and going to be able to grow up into a person with your help. that is the only thing that matters.

  23. “I talk about it because I wish I had been aware of this before I had sons.”

    ME TOO!! I have an 18 m/o son and my husband pretty much took over that decision because it didn’t want him to “look weird” and “get made fun of” later in life. I was *so* good about searching and reading info on every detail of pregnancy and breastfeeding… I don’t even know why, but it never even occurred to me to research circumcision. So when my husband was SO adamant about it, I didn’t even argue, I had no reason to, I believed all the mess about cleanliness, etc. After the deed was done, and we got him home from the hospital – I had this moment, DS on the bed, I’m trying to diaper softly so as not to hurt the oozing wound on his peepee… and I just broke down in tears. Yes hormones but also “what the hell have I done to my baby!!!” I started researching then, too late to do anything at all about it, and probably cried for hours. It still upsets me now talking about, I feel so terrible about it.

    My question Joni is, you obviously circumcised your older son, right? But did you also circumcise your youngest? If not, what is your plan for talking about that later when they start comparing? DH and I plan to have one more in a couple years and if it’s a boy I am obviously not putting my infant through mutilation again. I’m curious what your take is in a one-is, one-isn’t situation? Thanks!

  24. Sometimes people’s reactions are not due to what you have actually said, they are hangovers from times they HAVE felt judged. unfortunately not everybody who tries to promote something, ie breastfeeding, is as understanding as this, and it doesn’t take much to make a mummy feel judged for her choice (on any topic). I have definitely been guilty of tarring people with the same brush as someone i have previously spoken to, and sometimes people need to hear this reminder. I’m sorry to hear you’ve been on the receiving end, hopefully this helps ease a few mamas’ minds (and attitudes).
    I also wish I had been a little more wise before switching my son to formula, I am having an amazing breastfeeding relationship with my daughter thanks to hypnosis and learning how to address low supply and demand feeding effectively. :)

  25. Thank you for your article, I had a horrible school time and was bullied beyond belief and also don’t feel I was taught what I really needed to know in life. I have two children one is 3 and the other is 1 and we are coming to that stage now where I am having to think about school for the eldest one and I am not happy about doing so, I’m skirted around the issue of home-school only because I didn’t think I had what it takes to give my children the education they need your article has made me feel better about even thinking about home-schooling I don’t feel like some evil betrayer of the education system any more. It may not be for everyone but each are entitle to their own choices x

    • Please think about it more. I really love our school system and it does a great job, but I realized that even as good as it is, it can’t possibly lay the best path for *my* kids. That’s MY job, not theirs. Depending on the laws of your state, you can do a trial run with kindergarten and see what you think (in our experience it took about 30 minutes a day and gave me enough confidence to go on). In my state, kids don’t have a legal obligation to be in school until age 7, so my husband and I decided to test it out and see how it went. We love it. It’s hard, but not as hard as I thought. And there’s lots of support when you start looking for it. Whichever you decide, good luck!

  26. The experience of judging/being judged is such a tough business. We get so many messages thrown at us today, and I really feel sorry for those who are navigating the parenting experience at the beginning. Of course, there are many people who have clear conviction in their beliefs and confidently go forward – I really admire that. My experience tells me that such is not the case for most moms – every mom has to filter all these myriad of “best practices” messages from the moment the pregnancy test reads positive, and continually after that until…well, the retirement home, pretty much.

    Every time we get one of those messages, we have to figure out what we think about that suggestion and what we should do about assimilating that into our lives. Medical community (on whom we rely for so many other areas of advice): “Cesarean sections and/or epidurals are fine! Trust me!”; Natural birth community: “Beware of what they’re not telling you! We can’t describe all the ways they put you in danger!” The areas on which there are these conflicts are numerous: breastfeeding, co-sleeping, homeschooling, staying at home, and circumcision are some you mentioned. You could add: organic foods, using plastics to heat or serve food, physical discipline, after school activities, playing a musical instrument, etc. It’s endless,really.

    When it is me getting all these mixed messages, I sometimes find it very hard and frustrating to filter everything. Sometimes my frustration leads to me “killing the messenger”, so to speak. I realize there’s a lot I don’t know, and it’s scary to consider that I might not have run into information that could prevent me from making a huge mistake. Then, even when I find the advice sound, it’s hard to further consider how to incorporate that advice into my already crowded daily routine. Compounding pressure!

    So the point is that I have been both the lecturer and the lectured-to, and I now find myself with much more compassion for people who are offended when I brought up whatever the offending topic was. When it was me in that situation, the offense probably arose because I was confused and overwhelmed already, and one more message was just adding insult (“You’re not doing the right thing! Or not in a right enough way!) to injury (“You’re killing your kids! Or damaging them in an irreparable way! Bad mommy!).

    Summary of all this: godspeed, moms of the world. May you find the wisdom you need to make the tough journey. I’ll light a candle for all of us and do my best to help, not hurt.

  27. This is the first blog I have read and I love it. I think I will be spending more time on your website. I find that every time I have this conversation about breastfeeding with those that have not they tend to take it personally because of their choices. Id love to be able to project my intentions of how proud I am of me for making the choices I made and not make those around feel inadequate for not.

  28. Another home run, Joni! Very well thought out, and carefully stated. You’re an awesome blogger, and a wonderful person/friend/parent. Continue, please, for the good of all of us.

  29. Very well said.
    We homeschool and have run into very similar conversations.
    Your approach to this was practical. I hope others are able to see that not everything is abt them.

  30. Well said. Well said.

    I think it’s incredibly important to try and remember that unless something is written as an attack, it’s not an attack! <3 Unfortunately, in our society with so many mistruths and assumptions and expectations flying around like shrapnel, it's hard for lots of readers to take truth with composure.

    I love your writing as well as your drawings. You are so talented and creative and are going a long way toward normalizing natural parenting :) – Amy

  31. Thank you so much for writing this! I saw it posted on Kellymom’s FB page (yay!) and it couldn’t have come at a better time in my life. I recently have had some unsavory online and real time interactions regarding this subject. It’s been heartbreaking carrying this burden that I hurt people by talking about my choices on how I raise my own children!! Once I got past the initial emotions I have come to the conclusions that this indeed is not fact. I know in my heart the people who are most offended indeed do feel guilty for the choices they made on the issues being discussed. Often that guilt comes across as anger and it’s projected directly at whomever brings it up. But shouldn’t we all be allowed to be proud of choices and accomplishments without someone coming along and trying to take that from us by making everything “all about them”? I truly feel sorry for the moms who couldn’t make breastfeeding work for them, or ended up with unplanned interventions at their birth, but why should stop promoting the things I feel passionate about because it makes you someone bad? How fair is that? Like you said, sometimes a cup is just a cup. THANK YOU!!!

  32. Thank you so much for posting this! I cannot tell you how often people are offended when I share something on my facebook page, as though I’m judging them for the choices they have made. Just the opposite! I thought about making those choices (if E had been a boy, she would have been circumcised for example) and now am so glad I had friends share information with ME so that I could make BETTER choices!! And if someone still decides to make a choice I disagree with — well, that is why I live in the USA! We get to make our own choices and I just hope those choices are informed. Thanks for being so open, mama!

  33. I am going to get esoteric on you here. My work at the moment is to communicate from my belly centre. Rooted in that place, we can state the things that we know to be true and leave it be for other people to take or leave.

    You know how sometimes you meet someone who can tell you that you are doing things wrong and it is just so easy to swallow? That is someone rooted in their belly, their strength.

    I am also learning to be cautious when sharing. Even when someone appears to be interested in alternative parenting, they often don’t want information. We are all fragile creatures waiting for the bottom to fall out it seems and challenges to what is surely imperfection at best (i.e. our parenting) can touch close to the heart.

    That’s what blogs are for. Take it or leave it ladies. There are 100s of other sites that tell you crying it out and junk food for a one year old is ok. Go there if that’s what you need to get through the day.

  34. Thank you for posting this, it is a wonderful reminder for me as well. I am friends with a lot of mommas that have made different choices for their children than I have made for mine. I had c-sections for all three of my births, I chose for personal reasons to have my boys circumcised, I tried and failed breast feeding three times, I cloth diapered, baby wore, chose not to co-sleep, and even used a play pen and a walker, I occasionally spank. Some of those choices got me heaps of praise from my friends, neighbors and family. Other times I got an ear-full about how I was short changing my kids, or that I had abused them, or that I was insuring that they would be sick the rest of their lives…I -do- feel guilt over failing breast feeding, but I refuse to let someone else make me feel guilty for it. I fight when I read some blogs that I read to keep from having a knee-jerk reaction and responding on the defensive, mostly because I am still looking for unconditional support to make the decisions for my family that my husband and I choose to make. We do what we feel is best for all of us each and every single time. We don’t do things just because that is how they have been done in the past, but after we do a lot of research and reading and discussions and come together to make the choice. Thank you for reminding me specifically to not always take things to heart that have nothing to do with _me_ and my family.

    I avoid mostly talking about the choices we have made on my blog, one because it is new, two because I just don’t want to deal with any comments or flame wars there are likely to happen.

  35. This just brought healing to my soul. I am trying to conceive my first child. I complimented my sister for her perseverance while breastfeeding both of her babies and told her I was hoping to do the same one day for it’s many benefits. Others saw this compliment and then accused me of judging them for formula feeding. They made me feel like I wasn’t allowed to have an opinion, simply because I don’t have children yet. They made me feel like a villain. Thank you for taking what’s in my heart and typing it out for me.
    Love, SB.

  36. I just wanted to let you know how much I enjoy your blog. Your insights and views are so refreshing and so much like mine. I’m really enjoying reading through all of your posts. Keep up the awesome job Mama!

  37. Wow. Very well written. I wish I could communicate as well this same idea to the friends and family in my life that keep taking everything I say to them, about touchy subjects, the wrong way. I always try to word things in an intelligent and polite yet straightforward way. I like to get to the truth without beating around the bush. It always seems to come off as aggressive and that I am trying to “stir the pot” or “get attention.” Which is so totally not what I had intended and therefore I end up being attacked and have to start defending myself. And the more calm and logical I stay, the more angry they get until it comes down to them calling me names. I applaud you for what you do. I only wish I could do the same. May I borrow some of your wording to use against my friends and family? Lol. If not then that is cool. Keep up the good work. And I understand why people get upset about this stuff because I sometimes have the same initial reaction to things I read but when I do, I try to step back from it and remove my feelings of inadequacy from what I have read and then reread. That usually helps and if not then I tend to just walk away because I know I am too closely touched to be able to communicate like an adult. I just wish others would do the same. Thanks. :-)

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