The awesome Sya of The Mountains of Instead has put together a week of crazy-good zombie postings by a bunch of talented bloggy people.
She asked me to contribute, because we go way back and she knows of my zombie… Umm… Issues.
So I decided to contribute my family’s Zombie Apocalypse Contingency Plan. I see this as a public service, to the internet at large. You should all be prepared-you know- in case it happens.
Although I am pretty sure (kind of, sort of) that it isn’t ever going to happen. (I hope) Because zombies aren’t real. (I think. I hope. Um. Nah. Gulp.)
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Our Zombie Contingency Plan
Or what we will do when we have to get the heck out of Dodge!
I feel as parent it is my duty to be prepared for any catastrophe- whether that be a hurricane, snowstorm, flood… Or zombie apocalypse. Because of this, my family has spent five years seeking out the best places to weather the brain-eating storm. Often during our car rides one of the children will spy a particularly defendable abode- a house on a hill, perhaps with a tall fence, and declare it perfect “in case of zombies”.
We have been looking at our local shops- thinking that it would be best to hole up in a place already stockpiled with supplies. I mean, we DO keep extra food and water on hand, you know, in case of zombies- but we would never be able to store enough here to get us through even one year of zombie apocalypse. Plus we have these beautiful (zombie security weak point!) french doors which would be nearly impossible to board up when the undead hoards start amassing in the back garden.
A few years ago we found the perfect spot. Like I said, we’ve been looking at local shops- but most of them have wide windows and are stuck in highly populated areas, which will not do. After visiting a certain wholesale club (name and location not disclosed- so you don’t show up and compromise our perfect hidey-hole) we have decided that it was THE PLACE. No windows, only one entry- with a metal pull down gate as a secondary defense. The building is situated on the edge of suburban sprawl- and is halfway up a hill- surrounded by a high wall with a fence on top on three sides, another building taking up the fourth. There are only two ways in and out of the parking lot. Perfect.
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Our zombie survival plan is twofold.
Phase one:
Stay informed and prepared.
Luckily, I have cultivated a friendship with someone who works in government and knows EVERYTHING before anyone else. We are also taking lessons in firearms.
Get to the THE PLACE.
I keep the car filled with gas, and a crowbar under my bed. (The Zombie Survival Guide says a crowbar is the perfect weapon- because it is also a tool.) It was a Valentine’s gift from my husband. After the first few zombies start showing up we will haul ass to the location and wait out the first wave. Since it is a wholesale club, they will have everything we need- from food to furniture, to a pharmacy and hunting supplies.
Wait for the huz.
I will likely be defending the children on my own- the huz is a long distance trucker. When he shows up we will have the added bonus of a big ass truck to add to our ranks.
Keep a low profile.
We will keep quiet, and try to draw little attention to our little corner of the zombie infected world. The last thing we want to do is get overrun with zombies- or people looking to poach our new digs.
Wait for winter.
Assuming zombies freeze. I hope they do- phase two kind of hinges on the fact that snow and ice will at least make them slower moving. If they don’t then we have a plan b- create as sustainable a living environment as we can while trying to figure something else out.
Like I said- wait for winter. Once we feel it is safe enough- pop the truck into a loading bay and fill her up with everything we need. Hopefully we will be able to find some clear roads- but at least the 18 wheeler should be able to push most things out of its path. And we have made ourselves familiar with various alternate routes we can take in order to get to our destination.
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Phase Two:
Get to an island.
There are a number of small islands nearby. Our long term plan has us settled on a certain island in the middle of a bay. Yes, it is inhabited. But there are only 67 year round residents. This particular island has two working farms, and six wells. It has an oyster farm, plentiful deer and an abandoned military base. IF this island is infested, there are two smaller ones we could also settle on as well. I realize that zombies may occasionally wash up on shore, and we will still be at risk for that- however I feel this is still a better option than the mainland.
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I have shared this in the hopes that you will also take the time to create your own zombie contingency plan. However- I will warn you, if you show up at any of our hidey holes we might just possibly shoot you on the spot.
I knew there was a reason I loved your blogs! I thought I was the only one who made Zombie Contingency plans! Mine was based at my old job (at a Church daycare). There were bathrooms, a large kitchen stocked with food, gates that could be blocked off all the way around by trailers that my husband (also a semi truck driver) could block off, two buildings connected by a defensible breezeway…it was PERFECT! HA! Keep this going, I want to know who else is as weird as I am.
Joni – Have you gotten around to updating this since your move to Missouri?
Just wondering.
Oh, and (since, last I knew you have some sort of smartphone) have you seen this?
http://mashable.com/2012/04/25/zday-zombie/
im more interested in specifics. i go camping and on backpacking trips pretty often and the rule of thumb is efficiency and effectiveness. no single purpose items. you are only as good as the tools you have at hand. the only thing you have in the world to rely on, is whats on your back.
there are three basics in life that you need. what are your solutions for each? think short term and think long term.
food. can you MAKE food. not ‘obtain’ food. you have to keep in mind that it’s likely your not the only survivor and the first thing people do is panic and run to the grocery store. given you’ve made it past the first week. the grocery store is not an option. you might find the random dented odd can of beans, but that’s not survival, thats subsistence.
shelter: can you make shelter. chances are, that great building you’ve found, someone else has found it as well. can you live there together? can you remove the current residents from the scenario? you can defend it from zombies, but can you defend it from the living?
water: can you ‘make’ water. bottled water will dissapear quickly. running water usually relies on pumps that could go down. some open water sources would force you out of safety.
when martial law sets in, information becomes currency. you tell me yours ill tell you mine