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The Mother of all Hickeys

Nearly a week ago, we went to a birthday party cookout.  It was super fun, complete with bonfire and roasted marshmallows.  (I like to light mine on fire, blow it out, pull the charred layer off, eat it and then repeat as necessary.  Yum!) We did not get home and tucked into bed until nearly midnight.  A few hours later, Cooper hopped in bed with me refreshed from his long nap and ready to play at two o’clock in the morning.

We all ended up sleeping in the next day.  I woke to find Cooper flopped across my body, nursing, which was interesting all by itself because I had thought he was weaning.  I was groggy from the previous night’s shenanigans and it took me a minute to realize that his nursing was HURTING me.

Ouch!

I patted at his head in a feeble attempt to dislodge him, and then my hand brushed against my nipple…….  And I thought “Wait, something is wrong here…” but I was still too much asleep to figure out that I didn’t have two nipples on my right boob.  And then his sucking became excruciating and I realized he was mis-latched!  At this point it felt like his mouth was filled with tiny knives and needles and I tried to push him off me, but the little sh- (I mean adorable toddler) was stuck on me like a barnacle!

Eventually, my foggy mind cleared.  I remembered the way I would break suction when he was a baby and snuck my pinkie into the corner of his mouth.  He broke away with an audible “pop” and rolled over, still snoring.  I surveyed the damage and found a weird nipple-shaped lump of bruised flesh created by his mouth.  It quickly transformed into the grossest, raspberry stippled,  blue and purple bruise I’ve ever had!   Well, second grossest.  The winner of that contest would the time I crashed my bike whilst riding down a deathly mountain (hill) and knocked myself unconscious.   

I’ll be thirty two years old next week and I am embarrassed to say I’m sporting the mother of all hickeys on the side of my boob.

 

13 Responses to The Mother of all Hickeys

  1. LMAO so hard! My lo fell asleep (we cosleep) and sometime in the night thought he was sucking, but he missed the nipple by quite a margin and left me with a huge hickey on my breast tissue. So funny. And I am 47 (he is 4), so even more of a controversy – as if – LOL!!! Lucky for me – I didn’t feel the pain bc I was asleep, too!

  2. LOL, I’m 28 and sporting one on my CHIN from my 5 month old….I couldn’t dislodge him in time to not get the hickey…LMAO

    I am *really* looking forward to the stronger suction of a toddler…./sarcasm

  3. I got one the other night from my 7mo old. I was getting out of the shower in the morning and noticed it as I was drying off. It took me a minute to make the connection. It must have happened in our sleep!

  4. My very first hickey was on my arm, given to me by my 2 month old cousin while his twin sister was having her turn breastfeeding. I didn’t let it go that far though, because I was wide awake.

  5. Yowza! That one hurts. It has happened to me too and I hope the pain is much better by now. I talk to a lot of mommas in the BF trenches and this is a phenomenon that seems to be common place among nurslings who’ve weaned in the last six months, especially the little ones who co-sleep and may not fully awaken if they become mildly distressed while snoozing. Of course, none of this helps with the pain and nasty rainbow of colors your bruise will go through but it does help to know that other moms can totally relate to the strange and funny stuff too.

  6. Ohhh – that exact same thing happened to me once. I remember vaguely, sleepily, thinking that I was getting a plugged duct because of how achy my breast felt – and then woke up and saw the hickey. Ow.

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