We are starting the home stretch! I find that as this little bean gets bigger and bigger (And kicks harder and harder) I spend quite a bit of time thinking. Not worrying- I’m pretty chill about this whole growing a human thing, especially now that I can feel the reassuring thumps and jumps upon my bladder. But thinking, planning, trying to figure out how everything is going to work out.
I am working on putting together a birth team- because there is a strong possibility that James won’t be here for the birth. His company only allows him to take 14 days of personal time before they reassign his truck, and he really doesn’t want to lose his truck- it was a big mess getting the one he has now. And since he is a long haul trucker, he could be anywhere in the country when I go into labor. I’m “due” May 5th, but really- that’s just a guess based on conception date and I could go weeks before or after that date. I am starting to think it might be better if he wasn’t here when the baby is born, wasting days off leading up to the birth, and instead came home after so he could have two full weeks at home to bond with the baby. But that of course changes depending upon how hormonal I feel.
So I have to plan to have support in case he can’t be here. I have a friend who has said she would be there for me. She has had several homebirths, and has a calm way about her so I think she will be awesome to have there. I will have my midwife and possibly a midwife in training, if she has one at that point. Hannah will be here to help with the littles. I would like to have someone there to take pictures and perhaps put updates up on my page, because I know there will be lots of people waiting to hear from me. I would love to have video- and a birth photographer, but not sure I could be comfortable being on film because I’m very self conscious about my size- but I also feel that I would like to share it with my readers/contributors. Its a real dilemma for me because I think it is SO important for people to see that there ARE plus-sized women having natural births, that we CAN have a homebirth if we choose to, to the point that I was even considering livestreaming it, but I don’t think I could do that.
I’m trying to find a doula, but I didn’t like the few I’ve been in contact with. I have a friend that used to be a doula that has said she would be there if I needed her- I’m hoping that will work out for me. I don’t know what I will need when I’m actually in labor- judging by my past experiences, I don’t like to ask for help, I don’t like to be touched, and I try to hold everything in- pain- vocalizing- everything- so I don’t make things harder for the doctor/nurses. I do NOT want to be that person this time.
But then again, who knows- maybe after all of the planning and guessing it will end up being just Hannah and me (Hannah did not like this idea when I suggested it, LoL). Maybe there won’t be time for all of these people to get here- my only experience with intervention free birth was Willow, and she was born after just two hours of easy labor. I went from six centimeters to BORN in less than ten minutes. Wouldn’t that be interesting?
For now, I just have to trust that everything will work out as it supposed to, which is awesome considering for a few months I wasn’t sure it would happen! At first I couldn’t find a midwife I clicked with, and then because I wasn’t sure if we would be able to afford one. But thanks to my fund, I am less than a grand from my goal!!! And one of my awesome readers is lending me her birth tub!
So its all coming together. I need to remind myself to focus on the fact that I am pregnant and happily planning my homebirth.