Welcome to the Tales of a Kitchen Witch Blog.
Triggers trigger triggering…. The word makes me wince. These days the internet is full of trigger warnings. It’s a great idea, there are some issues where a head’s up makes sense. I’ve been upset by things that I’ve read before, but I have never experienced how bad it can be when something “triggers” a reaction until today. It can be totally random.
You know what triggers me? People talking about how fat and gross they are. People complaining that their spouse has gotten so fat and how they can’t stand to see them eat and want to scream. Or that they want to slap the food out of a fat loved one’s hand…. Average weight people who talk about how disgusting their body is and how no one will want to be with them or find them attractive. How do you think it makes me feel when you say this to me, a person nearly twice your size?
Drastic and unhealthy weight loss regimes. It makes me physically ill to the point of tears to talk about starvation dieting or binging/purging. I can’t stand hearing about how you can’t/won’t/haven’t eaten and don’t plan to. Don’t you dare tell me I shouldn’t eat something…. for my health. Which is rapidly becoming another code word for fat shaming fun.
I have huge food issues. Huge. My insides are all twisted up into a ball of shame and fear and memories of nearly thirty years of being told what to do with my own fucking body. Memories of watching my mom skip meals when we didn’t have enough food, and later, because she wanted to lose weight. Of feeling like I was starving because breakfast and lunch time slimfast shakes in my teen years did not fill me up. Let’s not even talk about being put into a drug trial for redux at sixteen. Hearing a relative complain, over and over, about how fat his wife had gotten… and she was still thinner than me. Being told when I was twelve that I shouldn’t wear dangling earrings because my neck was too fat. Stuff like reaching for the same food at family functions that everyone else gets to eat and having someone comment in front of everyone about my portion or choice. Being treated like a criminal, shamed, and followed around when I would come downstairs to use the bathroom in the middle of the night… because I might steal food.
I read a post last night, and it has totally consumed my thoughts today. It hurt so bad it took me an hour to leave a one sentence reply and I burst into tears when I tried to explain to my husband what upset me.
Why is it that it’s social acceptable to talk like this in front of and to and about fat people? Even when you are operating under the guise of “health” or “caring” it is ridiculously hurtful.
In case you are unaware, body issues, shaming, and food issues can be just as upsetting to people (of any size) as any of the other topics labeled with a “trigger warning”. So many of us who struggle with our bodies have an entire lifetime of hurtful words, thoughts and experiences stored up, just waiting for one careless, or even well-meant, wrong word.