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Why Are You Doing It?

I’m two months into my current fitness plan and as of  my last weigh in a week ago I have lost 22 pounds.  I’ve also dropped two pants sizes and moved down a bra cup size.  I feel stronger.  I’m less tired.  And yesterday  when I jokingly flexed my bicep for the kids a muscle popped out. It surprised the hell out of me! 

Why am I doing this? There are, of course,  the usual “I want to be a healthier person” reasons: I want to be fit and able to go hiking and running and do sporty things with my kids.  I want to be able to play football and basketball with Patrick when he asks me to.  I want to set a good example for my children.  I want to prove to myself that I can stick to this and that I CAN do it.

There are sad and depressing reasons: I want to be able to plan a night out and spend the day before figuring out what I want to wear instead of worrying whether or not the booth or chair will be a tight squeeze.  I want to not worry about widths and weight limits and seat belt lengths.  I want to eat without people staring at me with fascination and/ or disgust.  I don’t want to ever hear again “should you be eating that?”  I want to go for a walk without people shouting at me from cars “you’re going to have to walk a long time fatty!”  I want to not be the subject of jokes and pity stares and whispered conversations between family members.  I don’t want to be a part of anything our country has decided we need to have a war on.  I don’t want my parenting called into question.

And then there are the important reasons:  I want to buy dozens of pairs of fantastic boots that slide all the way up my lovely calves.  I want to wear a tucked in shirt and a belt with a fancy buckle, just once, so I can say I did it.  I want to wear a pair of towering heels and not feel like I might snap my ankles at every step.  God I love shoes.  I want to shop in regular clothing stores.  I want to buy a proper dress for my cousin’s wedding and not my standard wedding uniform of black trousers and a dressy top.  I want to choose clothes because they are pretty and I LIKE them and not because they fit properly and disguise my rolls.  I want to go out dancing with my husband.  I want to walk beside him and feel pretty.  I want to pose and smile for photographs and not slink off muttering excuses as soon as someone pulls a camera out.

I don’t want to feel like I need to apologize or hide.   

I want to run and jump and dance and play with abandon.  

I want to feel good inside my skin.

15 Responses to Why Are You Doing It?

  1. I’m happy for you! But remember you should do these things for YOURSELF and not for others! It’s easy to get discouraged and distracted, but you’ve come a good way and I know you’ll keep going. You really are a beautiful person on the inside and the outside. Keep it up with a smile on your face. :)

    -Sara the reader who doesn’t comment often but I love your blog. ha.

  2. Hi – long (long) time lurker, but think this is the first time I’ve commented.

    I just wanted to say that:

    a) you are doing a fantastic job to have lost 22lbs
    b) irrespective of your motives/reasons, you are a beautiful person – I absolutely love that photo of you in the sidebar.. & that will not change, no matter how much or how little you weigh

    And now I go back to quietly lurking :)

  3. Wow….that really spoke to me. Thanks for sharing what is so personal and oftentimes downright embarrassing to admit. You’re doing great!

  4. I am so excited for your journey. You’ve come so far already, and all of your reasons (especially those last few) are so right.

    Unfortunately, I hate to tell you that it doesn’t matter what weight you are, people will still ask you “should you be eating that?” – at least if your life is anything like mine.

    I find that “Should you really be breathing right now?” and “Eff you.” are good reasponses 😉

  5. Honey I am SO sorry to hear that people have said those things to you and treated you in those ways. (((HUGS))) Nothing should ever make a person vulnerable to such assaults. But especially concerning is the fact that I really don’t think that you have ever been large enough to draw such attention. I have seen many pictures, and to me, you looked to be about the same size that I was. I wasn’t happy when I was carrying extra weight, but I only had my own voice to listen to about it. The only person who had ever made a nasty comment about my weight was my ex-husband. I was never subjected to the kind of public abuse that you are describing. And it’s so off-base! You are SUCH a beautiful woman!

    That said, I sure know how good, very good, even DAMN GOOD it feels when the extra upholstery starts falling away to reveal the good simple furniture underneath. I was just at the doctor last week and weighed myself for the first time since Tadhg was born. You know, as I do, that tandem breastfeeding has been literally sucking the weight off me the last year and a bit. Well the numbers are in and they are BIG. I have lost SEVENTY pounds! I now weigh only 2 pounds more than I did before I had my FIRST baby almost twenty years ago. And after twenty years of carrying that weight around, and dressing to hide it, I’m having all the same thoughts and eperiences that you are describing. I don’t avoid the mirror anymore. I stop and look in it and shake my head at how different the reflection is! I’m not done. I need to get a Y membership and build some muscle. I need to see if some of that fancy bio-oil stuff will help the extra skin on me return to normal. But I dropped Seamus off at his soccer tournament this morning and I was able to RUN across two pitches to the van and not be winded!

    You and me both babe! We’re gonna be so healthy the kids will have to keep up with US!

  6. You ARE doing it! You’ll be there before you know it! You’re such an inspiration! 😀 Remember, you have been, and always will be beautiful!

  7. Good for you! I’ve lost about half a stone recently and my energy levels have increased loads. But I sometimes forget and leave the house without a belt, which means when walking I have to have one hand on the pushchair and one holding my keks up.
    You should be proud of yourself. I hope you are. :-)

  8. Congrats! Jan. 1 2011 I reached my goal weight of 135 lbs (I had finally released 172 lbs) – it is a very freeing and wonderful feeling to regain one’s balance and health.

    (FYI snagged your button for my exchange page)

    Bright Blessings

  9. I couldn’t have said it better myself! I read your reasons and was nodding my head in agreement on nearly every single one. *hugs* At least you are doing it… I’ve already fallen off the wagon. :(

  10. I think your motives are exactly right – do it because you want to, and how much better you feel. Don’t let the drive-by fools upset you or discourage you.

    I like the retort, “Should you be breathing right now?” Totally appropriate response to “Should you be eating that?” It’s nobody’s business but yours.

    You know we’re cheering in your corner. Personally, I’m a bit green with envy, since I can’t find exercises I can do to loose the >50 lbs I need to dump. But, your success is an inspiration, and I’m looking forward to more progress reports!

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