Welcome to the Tales of a Kitchen Witch Blog.

JoniRae.com is also the home of the Gentle Parenting Colouring Book and Goddess Dolls, and original artwork by Joni Rae Latham, so remember to check out the Gallery and Shop while you're here.

You Bitchy People Ruined My Special Moment

Remember this picture?

If you follow me on facebook, you might remember it.  It caused quite a stir when I posted it on November 1st, along with the caption “Out for girl time with Hannah”.  I wrote about it here.

Anyway, I couldn’t say at the time, but I had gone out with Hannah because she wanted to have alone time with me, to share something special that happened to her.  See, the night before, she had gone out trick or treating with her friends, and there was this boy that Hannah liked…  And without getting into too much detail about what was said, he asked Hannah out.  She wanted to tell me about it and ask if it was OK for her to date him.

I felt so honored that she asked.  I was so overcome with love and squishy feelings and a bit of pride that my teen felt close enough to me to want to tell me these things- I never told my mother anything during my teen years.  Because- ewww!  Of course she wouldn’t understand me, I was so radically different than her and she was OLD. 


SO it was a special moment I wanted to mark.  I took her out for coffee.  I snapped the pic and posted it.  And then the crappy comments (paraphrasing it here) about the luxurious champagne lifestyle  I must lead because of my extravagant coffee purchase started rolling in.  I obviously didn’t deserve to have fundraiser OR a home birth. Then we got into a discussion about whether or not someone who is poor should have the right to spend money on luxuries.  People started getting mean.  People were banned.  I left the rest up to my moderators because I just didn’t want to deal with the stupid.

You know, generally, I try to keep the “at least they are talking and interacting, and boy stupid people are funny” attitude when some crazy argument is started in my comments.  Like the time I had someone who was convinced Cooper must be a girl, or the whole “Jesus Christ Bananas” debacle.  I just laugh it off and enjoy my stats rising.  But this time I got bummed out badly enough that I started wondering if it was even worth having a facebook page.

You bitchy people ruined my special moment. 

Just sayin.

45 Responses to You Bitchy People Ruined My Special Moment

  1. Just keep doing what feels right to you. Your real friends will understand and appreciate it, and the others didn’t need to read about it anyhow. Some people just live for the chance to tear someone else down. You’re a great person, and a wonderful mother.

  2. Joni, I was on your FB page when that all went down, it was incredibly immature and judgemental. For anyone who is a good mother, spending time with your kids is never a luxury… it is a blessing. Adn the fact that your bond with your daughter is so strong she had no problem coming to you like that, is even MORE of a blessing. So once again, SCREW what those other people think. You are doing an AMAZING job. Be proud. <3

  3. If you let the b’s bring you down, they are getting what they wanted. Even though I’m sure you had some hateful comments, I’m betting that the positive outweighed them.
    Hugs to you and Hannah.

  4. I’m sorry about the haters. “Girl time” is so important—and Hannah is lucky to have you for a mother! I love that she wants to tell you what’s going on in her life, and I hope and pray that my little girl will feel the same way about me when she’s a teen. You’re doing an awesome job.

  5. It is really sad when people start making comments bout your actions before they even know the whole story. In my opinion, you really don’t have to explain your actions of that day. No matter the financial situation everybody deserves a little bit of splurge day and I don’t think you did anything wrong by spending one on one time with your eldest child. Please don’t feel guilty or bad bout taking that time for you and your daughter. From what I have seen in your blog you are good person and awesome mom. Don’t let somebody elses insecurities bring you down.

  6. Wow! That really is something to be happy about Joni Rae!
    Me and my mom was really close, and i never involved her like that.
    You are a great mother,you must be.
    Like Myrddin said,some people just live for the chance to tear someone down..
    Big Hugs from Norway!

  7. As a fellow mom, woman and human being, I have to tell you that no one but you can allow anyone to ruin a special moment. Those moments are small treasures that we keep in our hearts and that we remember always.

    There is far too much judging that we seem to do as a society, imo. Why do we feel that we have the right to comment? You provide a wonderful and endearing insight into your life and your values which I truly appreciate. A treat with your daughter is a wonderful thing and honors her trust in you.

    Do not give anyone that much power over you! If we all followed the “Golden Rule” and performed small acts of kindness instead of judgement, how much nicer would our world be?

    You keep doing what you do, in the knowledge that there are many of us who enjoy your missives.

    Be well and happy!

  8. Wow! People are soooo stupid! It’s COFFEE! It’s not like you went out on a shopping spree! You probably didn’t spend more than $15! Ugh! You know, we don’t have much money, and could use a few more things in the cupboards, but when I got $40 for my birthday, I spent it on a generic e-reader! I haven’t spent money on myself like that in soooo long. Ignore the stupid. At least you can eject them from your life with a ban button. 😀

  9. My mother in law says “don’t let the pointy-heads get you down.” I’m not exactly sure what that means, but I think it is her way of saying don’t let small-minded people change your mood. Easier said than done, no doubt, but good advice nonetheless.

  10. You shouldn’t let people ruin the moment Joni. When I saw the pic the first thing I thought was “what an awesome mom/daughter time” and applauded you mentally for doing such a simple but meaningful thing such as sitting with your daughter having a cup of coffee and a treat and TALKING to each other. Seriously how could people think anything in this picture was extravagant or undeserving? This is precisely what every family needs…small bonding moments that aren’t about a lot of money….but focused on time together. so I applaud you…the naysayers are obviously ignorant and out looking for something to hate.

  11. since when the hell is coffee is an “extravagant purchase”? screw what anyone else thinks, you do what you need to do and have mom daughter time that is so important especially as they get older

  12. Before reading the whole post, I just sat here for a few seconds, staring at that picture and trying to figure out what people had found to bitch about. Seriously? A couple of coffees? Wow. Don’t let the complainers steal your joy. Everyone needs a little something special occasionally! We had a hell of a time saving up for our 2009 and 2011 homebirths (our insurance, which we also pay good money for, refuses to pay for them). Money was SO tight, even after we cancelled every monthly expense we feasibly could, to include things like trash pickup. I’m really not sure how we did it. At first it was fun being creative with finances, but eventually it became depressing. It sucked when I’d be on a playdate and my friends would say “oh, let’s go to Chick-fil-A so the kids can play” and I’d have to say no, or when after church everyone was going out to lunch and we’d have to go straight home, or when I really wanted to take the kids to an event but it was too expensive. Sometimes–especially when you have little kids and work really hard and barely get any time to yourself–you just need a little splurge, and so do the kids!

  13. That’s awful of them! You treated your sweet daughter to a coffee and a muffin and suddenly, you are a welfare queen? People are SO MEAN. I love you, Joni Rae, and don’t you let those ugly people get you down! You are WONDERFUL and they have no room to judge you.

    I think it’s amazing that you had such an intimate and meaningful moment with your teenager, and I look forward to Abbey having the same respect for our relationship when she reaches her teens! <3

  14. Who the hell thinks a single cup of coffee and a small treat is Extravagant?! We all need our special moments, I certainly couldnt get by without mine.
    I HATE the notion that someone who is low income can never enjoy a luxury, that we somehow dont “Deserve” them and if we indulge we must be lying about how bad off we are.
    It drives me crazy.
    I’m so sorry that people applied this crap to you, this kind of crap only comes from people who have never been poor have no idea what its like and only like to sit and judge.
    Let it roll off your back, it was an amazing moment and your daughter is LOVELY.

  15. Theres a dramatic difference between spurging on a coffee and spurging on a home birth. I fear for peoples math skillls if they think this is the same thing. Come on, starbucks isnt that expensive…yet.

  16. Wow, it is coffee and snack not a diamond ring. I think even when money is tight it is acceptable to splurge just a little once in awhile. This is especially true since it lead to some quality time between mother and daughter. People can be so terribly judgmental. It is awesome that your daughter wants to share with you. Don’t let people get you down.

  17. I said it at the time, and I’ll say it again.

    “the connection you have with your children is PARAMOUNT to any judgment from strangers”

    Okay, Mama? There’s nothing more important than connecting with your loved ones. The rest is background noise.

  18. Yeah, social media is a funny thing. I love connecting with people on Facebook and twitter, but sometimes people feel that it is an invitation to judge. This past year I posted what I thought was a hilarious photo of my youngest daughter pressing her face up against a glass door which made her look exactly like a character from a Twilight Zone episode with pig faced people. I created a collage juxtapositioning the two images and posted it. Even to this day I giggle when I think about it. My daughter also thought it was hilarious (we have a twisted sense of humour in my family). But then the comments started rolling in about how I was not honouring my daughter as an individual and did I ask her permission to post it and how I was mocking her.

    I’m sorry you went through that and that your special moment was spoiled. Hopefully years from now, when you continue to have an awesome, close relationship with your children, you will forgot the negativity.

  19. that sucks!! I’m sorry mama. I hope you have more times with your daughter like this in the future. Poop on the mean people. I love your posts!! Keep them coming. :)

  20. I remember that night of the debacle. I thought “what a sweet little post” and knew it meant a lot to you to get out of the house with your oldest, one-on-one. If you two had been in a fancy, five-star restaurant…dressed in brand new clothes while taking pics with your expensive new Nikon…then yeah, I would have seen the validation of those asshats who talked smack against you. But, you weren’t.

    You were with your daughter having a drink in Starbuck’s courtesy of what was left of a little gift card, not partying at the Ritz. Anyone with half a braincell could see you were doing what any mom does…taking pics of a happy moment in your life and sharing via social media. You weren’t doing anything wrong. You know it, I know it and all your loyal readers know it. Don’t let the words of a few obviously jealous idiots stop you from being YOU!

  21. I remember that post and read most of the thread. The way Hannah and you were treated made me even more determined to donate to your home birth. I’m also glad to read that you let other moderators deal with that thread and its aftermath.

  22. I am sorry that others ruined a special moment with your daughter. I am even sorrier that people that do not know you and your circumstances (I believe you said that you paid for the trip with a gift card) felt they had the right to question our motives and how you spend your money. Your money is your money and how you budget it is up to you. Perhaps you saved loose change you found on the sidewalk to pay for the coffee or perhaps it was a gift card that you received that was used to pay for the coffee or maybe, just maybe, you felt that the importance of having time with your daughter alone, and without the distractions of siblings, was important enough to spend some money you had in one budget for this special treat. It is still a special time that you shared and I am glad that you appreciate the trust your daughter has in you and how she desires to have your opinion on what actions she should take. Heck, I am more than happy to send you a gift card to Starbucks if it means you and your daughter can have special talks such as these.

  23. Opinions are like assholes…everyone’s got them, but sometimes I just wish we could duct tape their mouths shut….you are a wonderful Mom….your children reflect that. You have every right in the world to take your daughter out for your overly extravagant, under $20, outing. I can’t wait to hear about your home birth. I know that your blog has put a smile on my face more than once. Thank you for that.

  24. It amazes me that people can bring themselves to say things like that. I hope you get many more wonderful moments like that with your daughter, and that the bitches keep their mouths shut next time.

  25. Of course. Don’t you know that us poor folks aren’t allowed to spend one nickle on anything other than our bills and food for the house. And we can’t go to a regular super market, no, we have to only shop at those discount stores like Aldi’s and Bottom Dollar. :::eye roll:::

    I’m glad you were able to take your daughter out for coffee and that she was comfortable talking to you about *boys*. I have 6 kids, 5 are grown and out of the house (mostly, the fifth is turning 20 and not *totally* out of the house yet). The last two are teenage boys who have no problem talking with their mother about any topic at all and that includes girls. So kudos to you!

  26. It was a shame. But they were TWO negative people amongst hundreds of positive, supportive ones. Maybe they don’t deserve all this publicity. That’s what bullies crave – attention. Much love xx

  27. Joni, ignore the haters and relish in those of us you love and admire you. You deserve your $9 worth of special girl time. Hell, if I had the money, I’d give you $500 worth of special girl time for you and Hannah to do something really cool! The fact is, it’s your money, and you don’t have to answer to ANYONE. If someone wants to complain about what you’re doing with a few dollars of your own hard earned income that has nothing to do with your fundraiser, let them. Their lives must be so boring they have to try to ruin a special moment in yours.

    Remember, what goes around, comes around. They’ll get theirs in the end. We love you! <3

  28. How I see it is if I give/donate someone money, it’s there’s to do what they want with it. If I don’t agree with their choice, I don’t say anything about it (except for maybe ranting to my husband about it) but I might not give them money later on. Don’t let those negative Nancys or Debbie downers ruin the special time you spent with their daughter.

  29. Don’t let those nasty people ruin your moment. There were times that we didn’t even have enough money to pay our phone bills but my mom took the time and we would buy breakfast. It was something between us and it was special. She is now gone and I cherish those moments don’t let these nasty people kill your thunder your amazing

  30. OH! What a special moment! I am so happy that she told you and you made it special! It’s something that she will remember, and that’s really important for all the things to come that she will be telling you! You have enough children and common sense to know what is right and what isn’t and anyone who criticized your moment should be ashamed. That is a super sweet picture! You just Go Mama, you got it together :) <3

  31. That is some really weird superior attitude displayed by the commenters. I thought it had died out after the end of seggregation, when wealthy white women would not go into the “black slums” anymore to hand out money to all those who did just as they were told. Things that are good for the soul, like sharing a special moment over a cup of coffee (and it is only coffee, for the love of chocolate!), are necessary to live. Don’t let anyone convince you that is not true.

  32. Please don’t let ANYONE take away your happiness. Remember people can only drive you crazy if you give them the key.. I know easier said then done especially when hormones can play a big role. Even us financially strapped people deserve a small treat now and then. I think it was a great moment and you should be proud as a mom that your daughter trusts you and can talk to you. Most of the haters probably have no clue what there kids are doing nor dare I say do they really care as they are too busy minding someone else s business.

  33. Having a home birth is not a luxury. It’s a right which all women should have the option to have.

    Moreover, if people are so worried about financial responsibility, homeborths are astronomically cheaper than a hospital one.

    Also, not that my opinion matters on the subject, but taking your daughter out for Starbucks is hardly a 5 course meal at a fancy restaurant. What did it cost? 10 bucks? Sounds like a responsible indulgence to me.

  34. I agree with Wolf Mommy, Starbucks is hardly a luxury anymore. The 10 bucks you spent to have a special moment with your daughter is well worth is. And now that I’m thinking about it I’m sure they wouldn’t have batted an eyelash if you had spent even more money taking your younger children to the zoo or something. It’s just ridiculous.

    Be happy with your daughter. Be happy with your life and how you are deciding to live it. You’ve got a good thing going on. I can only hope my own daughter is able to connect with me like that when she gets to that age.


  35. You are truly blessed to have such a wonderful relationship! Don’t let “them” take your blessed feeling away. You have the right and the obligation to share special time with your family and for yourself. Taking a few dollars you to do this is a worthy cause and anyone that would deprive you of this should feel shame on themselves. I for one would gladly support this. Just because someone can’t afford the basics some of time (and homebirth should be a basic need), doesn’t mean they have to suffer and scrimp every minute of every day. How sad would this life be if all we were concerned about was not spending money? If you can spare it, even for a day, and it’s for such a good reason, I say…do it!! You can’t take the money with you, but you DO take the love!

  36. I can totally understand why those comments would have ruined your moment. Most of those people would have done the same thing if their daughter wanted to spend a moment with them. They probably never even stopped to think that your home is so busy that going out for coffee was going to be the only way you would get any ALONE time with her. And from one poor woman to another I would have gotten starbucks too if I could afford it. I know its a rare and splended treat for all of us, so don’t sweat it over a small indulgence we are all allowed them. It’s not like you can get starbucks everyday or have a special moment with your daughter.

  37. It is a rare occasion that a teenager wants to talk to their parent let alone have special time with them and pour out their soul. This means that you’ve done an amazing job raising her! Not many parents can be considered also friends by their children, and it sounds like that’s what you have with your kids! My mom was like that with me, and I miss her everyday. And, I sincerely hope that my daughter grows up knowing that she can talk to me about anything, like we’re best friends, like my mom and I were, like you have.
    It doesn’t matter how much or little money you spent. The only thing that mattered is that you were there for your child. And, if that could be said for more parents, this world would be a drastically better place!
    Bright Blessings!

  38. Starbucks is an insanely expensive everyday habit, it’s true. And it is also a WONDERFULLY cost-effective way to have a nice outing with someone and just talk once in a while. Going out for coffee is perhaps the MOST cost-effective thing you can do other than take a walk together. And gosh darnit, it’s getting cold for that….plus while walking you don’t look at each other face to face.

    Your incredibly frugal friend 100% supports your Starbucks outing with your daughter. Isn’t it freaking ridiculous that people had to be jerks and compel me to say such a random thing? 😛

  39. I just found your blog, and I must say I’m bummed for you. My mom raised six kids alone and without any money to speak of. Once in awhile if one of us needed something or wanted to talk she would squeeze a few dollars for an ice cream cone, or a soda. She faced a lot of mean people telling here she shouldn’t either. However, you know what, those people are all long gone and the memories of my mom sacrificing so much to show her love for us still remain, strong. When she had special news this last month I took her out for an ice cream cone and to relive those special moments. It was special.

    I guess the point of my saying this was to share the base point, those people who ruined it for you, they’ll be gone in a while from your life. Your daughter won’t and she will treasure the fact that you worked hard to make this moment special for her and perhaps one day she will take you out for coffee when you have special news. You are blessed with the gift of a special young one. Blessings

  40. They didn’t ruin your special moment! They made you realize HOW special that moment truly is. Those comments empowered you to take another moment to remember and write about your special day with your daughter. See that positivity?! Yes!

Leave a reply